"I cried out 'Yechi Adoneinu...' from the depths of my heart. I saw how the crowd got up, all 2000 women, and cried out with me. I shouted it three times. It wasn't a 'declaration' but a cry from the heart! We did all that we could and we pleaded that the Rebbe be revealed as Moshiach now!"
Rebbetzin Sima Ashkenazi, wife of Kfar Chabad's late Rav, shares emotional moments with the Rebbe she experienced over the years, culminating in her announcement of "Yechi" at the Special Kinus of Nshei Chabad to greet Moshiach on 28 Teves 5753.
REBBETZIN SIMA ASHKENAZI
Over the years, I went to the Rebbe many times, on all sorts of occasions, but not on chagim. Since the previous time that I was in 770 for Tishrei, 47 years passed! Before Shnas Hakhel 5776, I got an invitation from the Rebbe to come. It was a few days before Rosh Hashana when I opened the Igros Kodesh to ask for a bracha for someone and the Rebbe wrote to me, "Regarding your visit here during Tishrei, if it won't take away from your work at the mosad, then fine, and make preparations for the trip."
What preparations were needed? The Rebbe's words reminded me that I didn't have a visa and so, how could I go? You usually have to wait a month for an appointment for a visa but this time I got an appointment at the consulate for the day after Rosh Hashana, 3 Tishrei. That was already an open miracle.
The clerk asked me where I was going. I said, "To Lubavitch."
"And where will you be?"
"In Lubavitch."
"Fine," she said and added that since the week of Yom Kippur they didn't have enough workdays, the passport and visa would be ready the next day. Wow!
ACHDUS
The Rebbe wants everyone to unite. The best segula to bring Moshiach is to be united. We do everything to bring Moshiach and we were told by the Tzemach Tzedek that the unity of the Chassidim would bring Moshiach. We need to work on this. It doesn't matter that we have differences of opinion; that's legitimate, for "just as their faces aren't the same, their views aren't the same." The Rebbe will soon come and say exactly how we need to think and what needs to be done but in the meantime, we need to be unified, looking for what unites us and not what separates us. The main thing is there should be unity.
JUST LIKE BEFORE
When I was at the Rebbe that Tishrei, I saw the continuity and sameness between what was in the past and the present. The joy, the dancing, singing, tefillos and the farbrengen on motzoei Simchas Torah, amazing! The bachurim and young men of today did not merit to see the Rebbe and it's amazing how they align with the Rebbe's approach, how everything was run, how everything was wonderfully organized.
The fact that I was moved and cried was not surprising since I remember the glory days, but that today's girls cry... I cannot describe in words the feelings that everybody felt. There is no doubt that the Rebbe sat there and ran the entire farbrengen; it's not something that could naturally occur.
During the 48 hours of Simchas Torah, the dancing was nonstop; those going and those returning from tahaluchos; they didn't stop dancing with the Sifrei Torah. In the afternoon the room had to be set up for the farbrengen. In previous years, they emptied the zal of people in order to set up the tables and pyramids, but now it's different. While they danced, others set up without either disturbing the others. It was all amazingly organized.
The farbrengen began at six. They began singing nigqunei dveikus; that the neshama remained inside is a miracle. I felt kelos ha'nefesh; I can't explain it in words.
There was that same intensity at the Simchas Beis HaShoeiva as well. Every night there was dancing until six in the morning. It poured on two nights but the bachurim didn't stop dancing.
I saw the fulfillment of what the Rebbe said that even the street will dance! The Rebbe's holy wishes came true and nobody was fazed by the late hour, by the rain, by the exhaustion. They continued because the Rebbe said so, and therefore, they didn't veer from the goal. It warms the heart in a way that is indescribable.
THE POWER OF THE WOMEN
We see how Lubavitch lives and exists, contrary to all those who were afraid about what would happen to Lubavitch. We withstood such a hard test, with such pain, because we want to see the Rebbe.
Traveling to the Rebbe strengthens the emuna and anticipation for Moshiach. Those days were uplifting in the women's section too. The girls come early in the morning to get a seat and they sit and learn with chavrusos. Each of them wants to be part of the amazing experience and atmosphere there. The tefillos are so moving; nigqunim whose power is hard to describe. All this elevates the soul to supreme heights. One cannot find tefilla like this anywhere else in the world.
In earlier generations, mainly the men went to the Rebbe. We are closer to the Geula and now the tremendous lofty quality of women, in whose merit we will be redeemed, is revealed. Women are moser nefesh, not fully sleeping and eating; none of them thought about physical things. They just sought to reach higher, to learn and be strengthened more and more.
Being with the Rebbe is something that must have an ongoing impact. We cannot land! The plane landed but we didn't land... The fire is so powerful and stirs us up from within. The days before being with the Rebbe are unlike the days afterward. A Hakhel gathering was made for girls and women and we spoke about it as much as we could so that the impressions should go further and even girls who didn't come to the Rebbe should be affected.
In a shiur for women that I gave afterward, women said, "We didn't feel the chagim; now we actually felt them." When you hear what happens at the Rebbe, it is heartwarming.
Why did they all come for Hakhel? In order to "fear Hashem!" In order to add in yiras shamayim, and that is what is demanded of us women.
In my first yechidus, in Tishrei 5729, the Rebbe asked me, "What about the yiras shamayim of the women and girls of the Kfar?" At the time, I wasn't the wife of a rav; I was a young woman from the Kfar, 21-years-old, and I didn't dream in the direction of rabbanus. I was involved in chinuch and running N'Shei Chabad in Kfar Chabad but I had no connection to leadership. I didn't think I could say anything about the yiras shamayim of anyone, so I didn't answer.
The Rebbe began to explain that the touchstone for yiras shamayim is tznius and tahara. The Rebbe told me that when I returned to Kfar Chabad I should divide the Kfar into sections and we should learn these subjects in home classes. In fact, we did so.
From the Kfar it went all over the country and the world. Old and young, everyone learned and was strengthened. Now too, we need to strengthen tznius for it's part of increasing yiras shamayim.
THE PROCLAMATION AND ITS REWARD
That declaration of "Yechi" which I wanted to farbreng about, happened on motzoei 28 Teves 5752, Rebbetzin Chana's birthday.
At that time, the Rebbe said that what remained was just to welcome Moshiach Tzidkeinu. That motzoei Shabbos, they made a melave malka for women for kabbolas pnei Moshiach and it was broadcast to the world. By divine providence, I was in Crown Heights; I had come for my son's engagement.
It was a big event, attended by over 2000 women who filled the big zal. The girls were in the women's section. The broadcast of the melave malka was transmitted live to 119 places in the world. They set the tables with the "Shor HaBor," the "Yayin HaMeshumar" and the "Livyasan." They brought huge fish, special meats and wine. During the evening, various speakers addressed us.
The first speaker was Rabbi Chaim Gutnick a'h, who spoke about Rochel Imeinu who cried and Hashem said to her, "There is reward for what you did," and he said to us, "Women, you know how to cry. Cry, pray, say Tehillim, ask that Moshiach come, it's your koach." Everyone took sifrei Tehillim, cried and asked from the depths of their heart. It's a moment I will never forget.
The emcee said that they had submitted a letter/request to the Rebbe in which they asked him to attend the event. The Rebbe was in his room at the time. His chair was prepared on the platform and the excitement was enormous and can't be described. We felt that if the Rebbe came that would mean the hisgalus! The hopes of all the generations were about to be realized now. Everyone said Tehillim emotionally and with tears that the Rebbe come, but he did not come.
The emcee said that in the meantime we would continue with the program. I said to those sitting next to me, "What program? We came for a program? We came to welcome Moshiach! We had enough speeches already. We want to welcome Moshiach!" They said to me, "Go up and say it." At first I refused but they went to the emcee who invited me to come up and speak.
I went up and said, "What didn't they do in recent weeks so that Moshiach would come? Each of us accepted an addition in Torah and mitzvos, went on mivtzaim, were mekarev Jews, just so we would be worthy of the hisgalus of Moshiach."
I told a story from the time of the Rebbe Rashab, when there was a harsh decree. The gedolei Yisrael gathered and tried to avert the decree but despite all their efforts, the decree remained in place. The Rebbe Rashab cried and Rabbi Chaim Brisker said to him, "Lubavitcher Rebbe, why are you crying?"
The Rebbe said, "Because we did not succeed in averting the decree."
R' Chaim said, "But we did all we could."
The Rebbe said, "But the decree remained!"
I said, "In recent weeks we did all that we could, and now we want to welcome Moshiach!" I took a Tehillim and said the Rebbe's chapter, 90, verse by verse, and all repeated after me.
After I finished, I had to get off the platform; I wasn't part of the program, but I suddenly felt the need to cry out "Yechi." I so wanted to declare "Yechi," and I knew that I would be doing something that, G-d forbid, could displease the Rebbe, but I couldn't do otherwise.
At that moment, I felt I was falling and fainting. I held on to the Rebbe's shtender and looked downward; I simply couldn't look at the crowd. And from the depths of my heart I cried out "Yechi Adoneinu..." I saw how the crowd got up, all 2000 women, and cried out with me. I shouted it three times. It wasn't a "declaration" but a cry from the heart! We did all that we could and we pleaded that the Rebbe be revealed. I said, "Now, now, now!" I went down and felt terrible. I was afraid the Rebbe would be annoyed. I went home; I couldn't stay for the rest of the program.
The next day, when the Rebbe gave out dollars, I was supposed to go with my son, the chassan, and the kalla to ask for a bracha. I felt terrible and wanted to push it off as late as possible. I couldn't calm down. We went for a bracha at five o'clock.
I didn't know that they had already told the Rebbe all about what happened and that, in response, the Rebbe wrote to R' Chaim Boruch Halberstam, who broadcast it to the world, "Many thanks for the nachas he caused and causes." I only heard about that afterward.
I went over to the Rebbe and the Rebbe looked into my eyes and gave me such a bracha that I waited for years to receive! I understood that I had done the right thing and learned that we need to cry out "Yechi" from our hearts and Hashem will listen to our prayers and bring Moshiach.
THE REBBE SENT ME 'KOS SHEL BRACHA'
When I was there for Tishrei 54 years ago, on the second day of Sukkos the Rebbe farbrenged in the big sukka. The wall of the sukka was flush against the right wall of 770. Women couldn't hear or see the farbrengen and yet, a group of us went and thought that perhaps we would manage to see or hear something.
We entered 770 and went to the room that was right next to the sukka, the yeshiva's Otzar HaSefarim. The window there was closed with reinforced glass that the bachurim had sealed shut with nails before Yom Tov so it wouldn't be able to be opened. We couldn't see or hear anything. The women with me gave up and went home. I was upset. I thought: I waited so many years to come to the Rebbe and now the Rebbe is farbrenging and I can't see?
I saw a crack in the windowpane on top and thought: Soon the stars will be out [i.e. Yom Tov will be over] and I will try move the glass then.
Right after Yom Tov, I climbed up on the windowsill and managed to remove that millimeter. When the Rebbe spoke, I put my ear there and when he finished, I looked through. My excitement was through the roof.
Toward morning, the Rebbe gave out kos shel bracha. I suddenly had the urge to ask for a bracha and kos shel bracha. I knew this wasn't rational; of course, I wouldn't go to the sukka to ask. There was a huge line. People came from other neighborhoods too. Some would approach holding one cup, some two, for someone else.
I was reminded how, on motzoei Rosh Hashana, my husband received kos shel bracha from which he drank a little and then he gave me and the children. I thought: If only he asks for me now too. But I knew this was nonsense. One didn't bother the Rebbe and didn't waste even a second of his time.
Still, I greatly desired receiving a bracha from the Rebbe. I felt a sense of despair when I saw him pass by without asking anything. Then I saw him turn back toward the boxes in order to get down (for one doesn't turn his back on the Rebbe) and suddenly, the Rebbe called him and said, "Take for your rebbetzin."
How could he take when he didn't have another cup? The secretaries immediately gave him another cup and the Rebbe poured and he went down in great astonishment. He was sure I was at home, asleep.
When I saw my husband go out, I also went out and I cried so hard. I heard the Rebbe and felt how the Rebbe sensed my wish and sent me kos shel bracha. My husband asked me, "What are you doing here?"
I said, "I was here the entire time. I saw and heard everything." It was indescribable.
THERE IS NO JOY LIKE RESOLVING DOUBT
I heard a story about a bachur who was an aide in the Rebbe's house. Once, around some auspicious day, the Rebbetzin told him that the Rebbe would farbreng told him that the Rebbe would farbreng and nobody knew about this until the last minute when they announced that the Rebbe would come out and farbreng. There was a big commotion. They began calling people to come. They quickly prepared the room and everyone ran to 770.
The aide asked the Rebbetzin afterward, "If the Rebbe knew the day before that he would farbreng, why wasn't this announced in advance? When it's announced, it's much easier to set up and let everyone know so they don't make other plans?" The Rebbetzin said, "My husband loves a shturem (commotion)!"
When we are told at the last minute, excitement and great joy fills us and the chayus is much greater. The sudden notification generates a tremendous joy of surprise.
That's what will happen when Moshiach comes! We all try to add in mitzvos and good deeds, in hiddur mitzva, so that Moshiach should come. We wait and wait and it doesn't happen. We need to remember that the Rebbe loves a shturem. In a moment, the entire world will turn upside down, everyone will know, all the phones and networks... Moshiach came! We know that this will happen. In the big shturem the Rebbe will conquer the world!