No License
During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb. When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him and asked, "Does your dog have a license?" "No," the man said, "He doesn't need one." "Yes, he does," answered the officer. "But," said the driver, "I always do all the driving."
A Jewish Success Story
A young man asked Morris, an old wealthy man, how he made his money. Morris took off his glasses and said, "Well, son, it was 1932 during the heart of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. "So I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. "The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated the sum of $1.60... "Then my wife's uncle Bernie died and left us two million dollars."
A Long Way Up
Berel, Schmerel & Chaim Yankel went on a trip together & they decided to splurge on a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of sightseeing, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Berel said to Schmerel & Chaim Yankel, "Let's break the monotony by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Schmerel can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Chaim Yankel can tell sad stories for the rest of the way." At the 26th floor, Berel stopped telling jokes & Schmerel began to sing. At the 51st floor Schmerel stopped singing & Chaim Yankel began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car..."
Calm Receptionist
Shmulik Hadari was suffering from a bad case of the flu, so he called his doctor in Tel Aviv to get an appointment. When he was told the scheduled date of the appointment, he became outraged and bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can't see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!" Calmly, the receptionist replied, "If so, would you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?"
Silent Mode
The business I work for had a dinner for all of its employees and invited all their family members to come along. Before the first speech, the host made an announcement: “We kindly ask you to please put all cellphones and children on vibrate.”
A Mother’s Work
Fifteen-year-old Jacob Horowitz came bounding into the house and found his mom Brenda in bed. He asked if she was sick or something. He was truly concerned. “As a matter of fact,” Brenda replied, “I don't feel too well.” "Well, don't worry a bit about dinner,” Jacob responded. “I'll be happy to carry you down to the kitchen so you can cook."
