QUESTION: Before I go to sleep, I say “Krias Shema al haMita (prayer upon going to sleep for the night)”. I also say the introductory words to the prayer, "I hereby forgive and absolve anyone who has angered or provoked me or sinned against me, physically or financially or by failing to give me due respect, or in any other matter relating to me, involuntarily or willingly, inadvertently or deliberately, whether in word or deed: let no one incur punishment because of me.”
So what is my question? Before I graduated high school, I had the unfortunate experience of two of my teachers who yelled at me harshly. It left me with a horrible feeling at my graduation and with a very unnerving feeling about my whole education. I feel that they could have made their point without yelling at me. I have tried to forgive them and to move on, but I cannot seem to let go of my resentment. Accordingly, when I say the introductory words of Krias Shema al haMita (“Krias Shema”), I do not feel like I am telling the truth when I declare that I forgive everyone. What should I do?
ANSWER: Dovid HaMelech writes in Tehillim 101:7, "He will not dwell within My house. He who practices deceit, who speaks lies, will not be established before My eyes." Rav Ben Tzion Abba Shaul in his Ohr L'Tzion Vol. II 15:13 indicates clearly that one should not recite this section of the Kriyas Shema, if one cannot clear his mind of ill-feelings to others. Rav Yisroel Salanter ZT”L advocated for the use of Tachbulos (psychological strategies) to help us serve Hashem properly. In this instance, perhaps you can use a Tachbulah of imagining that members of Hamas are chasing after you and these teachers who you harbor resentment for, were able to save you. Would they come to your rescue? Of course! So if you do believe that these teachers care for you and would come to your aid, consider it in your mind as if it had already happened. Perhaps this will help you clear the resentment you have in your heart for them. Perhaps you can think of another Tachbulah that will help you muster the ability to overcome the situation and be Mochel (forgive) your teachers. In any event, if you are really not Mochel your teachers, you should not be saying that you forgive everyone in the introductory words of Kriyas Shema.
A certain fellow who had entered the business world came to speak to Rav Henoch Leibowitz ZT”L, the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivas Chofetz Chaim. He confided in Rav Henoch that he felt little satisfaction with his life and what he felt was an unproductive career. Rav Henoch said, "Why don't you go into a form of Kiruv (bringing secularized Jews closer to Judaism)?" The man responded, “I can’t. It just won’t work for me.” Rav Henoch countered, “That is not what I mean. When you go to work, view it as Kiruv. You are going to work for the express purpose of ‘being a Mensch’ and acting with Emes - honesty and integrity. You perform Kiruv when you serve as a shining example of integrity and stand up for what is right. You do Kiruv when you do not cut corners even when your manager is not around. You do Kiruv through these acts of Kiddush Hashem (sanctification of Hashem’s name) and make Yidden want to come closer to Yiddishkeit and follow your example. Realizing that through your honesty and integrity in the workplace that you have an opportunity to create large, frequent Kiddush Hashems will give you great satisfaction and will definitely lift your spirits."
