Back in the old country, the members of a certain shul were all terrified of being called up for the aliya of the tochecha. What to do? They called a board meeting and decided that the best course to take was to hire someone for a specific fee to take that particular aliya. Tracking down this individual who would take the ‘dreaded’ aliya proved to be somewhat harder of a chore than expected. But, in the end, a candidate was found and engaged. On the Shabbat of the tochecha, the gabbai looked around for the contracted individual to call him for the aliya. But this individual was nowhere to be found in the shul.
“Perhaps he’s simply late,” suggested one of the members, “let’s wait a few minutes for him.” They sat for about a quarter of an hour, getting more and more impatient by the minute. After all, this was not proper. An agreement had been made. Money had been paid. Where was he? Thankfully, before things got out of hand, the contracted individual entered the shul. Immediately, a few members ran to him and demanded to know the reason for his tardiness. The individual calmly turned to the angry group and replied, “I was davening in the shul down the block. Do you actually think one can make a living from only one tochecha?”
JOKES
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new chief, who was really a Jew dressed like an Indian, if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was really Jewish, he had never been taught the old Indian secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to a phone booth, called the National Weather Service, and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" he asked.
"Yes," the meteorologist again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."
The prospective son-in-law was asked by his date’s father, 'Son, are you able to support a family?'
'Well, no, sir,' he replied. 'I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves.'
The Gantze Mishpacha?
