At the beginning of parashas Korach, Rashi writes,
תנחומא רבי במדרש נדרשת יפה זו פרשה, "This parashah is taught beautifully in the Midrash Tanchuma."
Rashi rarely tells us where to look things up. What is Rashi implying here?
The Pri Megadim (קהלת ה"ד ת"עה גומא תיבת) writes,
"הלצה אומרים, people explain this Rashi in a light way by connecting it to what the pasuk states in Mishlei (15:23). טוב מה בעתו ודבר, 'When something takes place in its right time, how good it is.' It is good to say a drashah on Torah when the topic is related to the times. Rashi writes, נדרשת יפה זו פרשה, it is always the right time to speak about parashas Korach. This is because there are always machlokes, and thus, it is always the right time."
Solutions
We will discuss some practical ways to avoid machlokes.
1) Delay the Dispute
One solution is that whenever you feel you should start a machlokes, push it off until tomorrow. By then, you may see things differently.
When Korach and his followers argued with Moshe, Moshe replied,
אשר את 'ד וידע בקר לו (16:5). Rashi writes that Moshe pushed off the machlokes for the next day because "maybe [by then] they will change their minds."
2) Silence During Anger
The Pele Yoetz writes,
הכעס בעת השתיקה שמכבהו לאש כמים, "Silence during anger is like water to fire – it extinguishes it."
3) End Disputes Quickly
Another solution for machlokes is to end it as soon as it begins. The quicker you make amends, the better.
It is written, מדון ראשית מים פוטר, "Like water streaming through a breach, is the beginning of a dispute" (Mishlei 17:14). When water pushes through an opening, it begins as a small trickle, but then it widens and becomes very difficult to contain. Disputes are similar because they start small, but if they aren't stopped at the onset, they can become unbearable (Sanhedrin 7).
Therefore, one should keep his antennas up to perceive the slightest breach in peace and immediately mend it. If you leave that breach unfixed, it can widen and become overwhelming, chas veshalom.
The Shlah HaKadosh teaches that this counsel is found in the letters of מחלקת. The first letter, the 'מ, has a small opening on the bottom, hinting at a minor breach in the peace. If the problem is resolved immediately, everything will be fine. However, when the gap isn't fixed, it will become wider. This brings us to the following letter of מחלקת, the 'ח, with a wide opening at its bottom, suggesting that the machlokes has taken root, and the gap has widened. Afterwards comes the 'ל and 'ק. The lamed has a line going up, and the kuf has a line going down. This hints towards the fire of the dispute that has become extreme, with the flames of their dissension blazing in all directions. Finally, we reach the letter 'ת, which stands securely upon its two feet, implying that the fight is firmly established and now very difficult to uproot. This can all be avoided if the machlokes is mended when still small.
4) Be Mevater
Another counsel to avoid machlokes is to be mevater and let the other party have their way.
The Rambam (Dei'os 6:7) teaches, "It is proper that a person should be על מעביר מדותיו, to be mevater, when it comes to matters related to this world, because to the wise, everything in this world is foolishness and not worth fighting over."
5) Life Is Too Short for Quarrels
The Gemara (Chulin 58:) discusses the baka bug, and the Gemara says that it lives no longer than a day. The Gemara asks that people say the following about the baka bug: "A female baka separated from her husband for seven years. She said, 'You found a fat person in Mechuzah who just came out of the river and was wrapped in sheets. You landed on him, sucked his blood, and didn't tell me!" The Gemara questions this by saying that from here we can derive that a baka lives much longer than a day. In this story, a baka couple separated for seven years due to a dispute!
The Gemara replies, דידהו בשני, "in their years." For the baka’s short lifespan, it was like they were separated for seven years. Life is longer for humans, but relatively speaking, it's also quite short. Does it make sense to fill the short time with quarrels? We should try to make peace as quickly as possible.
6) Tefillah for Peace
A primary solution to avoid and stop machlokes is tefillah.
It states מתו לא קרח ובני, "Korach's children didn’t die" (26:11). Rebbe Mendel of Riminov zt'l said that מתו לא קרח ובני can be translated as Korach's students never died because the approach of creating disputes has been passed down from generation to generation. There are always machlokes. The only solution is to pray that you never get caught in one.
The Aruch HaShulchan (Orach Chaim 56:8) explains the tefillah for peace that we have in the kaddish: "At the end of the Kaddish, we add... רבה שלמא ויהא (a tefillah for peace). This is because peace is one of the pillars of the world. Therefore, at the end of kaddish, before people go out to the world, we pray that there should be peace among us. We add, במרומיו שלום עושה, although it is the same concept as רבה שלמא יהא. First, we pray that there should be peace among us, and then we ask that if chalilah a machlokes does break out, Hashem should help us make peace."
Story: Shalom Bayis and Being Mevater
Satmar chassidim organized a special Shabbos together with their Rebbe, the Divrei Yoel of Satmar zt'l. Lots of planning, effort, and money were invested to make this Shabbos a success. But on Shabbos afternoon, the Rebbetzin wasn't feeling well and asked the Rebbe to remain home, and he obliged. He stayed home and didn’t lead a tisch for his chassidim.
After Shabbos, the gabai told the Rebbe that the chassidim were disappointed. "Why does she always get her way?"
The Rebbe replied, "We've received a kabalah, tradition, that for shalom bayis, the one who is mivater is the one who wins."
