Sometimes Your “Bitachon” Is Just A Way to Pressure Hashem To Comply to Your Ratzon

But often, people defeat themselves when they are too wrapped up in their Retzonos, without any acceptance of Ratzon Hashem. Chazal advise: בַטֵל ְרצוֹנְָך מִּּפְנֵי ְרצוֹנוֹ, ּכְֵדי שֶׁיְבַטֵל ְרצוֹן אֲחִֵּרים מִּּפְנֵי ְרצוֹנֶָׁך — Relinquish your Ratzon and accept His Ratzon, in order that He should relinquish the Ratzon of others in favor of your Ratzon.

Story

An older girl was having trouble with Shiduchim, despite her hard work on Bitachon. She was asked how she would feel about a potential suitor who runs after her like crazy. She admitted that this person would lose Chen (favor) in her eyes. If he had a little more reserve, she would be more attracted to him.

This story is actually similar to the game that so many of us play with Hashem. Chazal caution: ּכָל הַדוֹחֵק אֶׁת הַשָעָה, שָעָה דוֹחְקָתוֹ. וְכָל הַנִּדְחֶׁה מִּּפְנֵי שָעָה, שָעָה עוֹמֶׁדֶׁת לוֹ — One who forces his will [“pressures the hour”] loses the good he was destined to receive anyway. But one who goes along with his circumstances even when they are not consistent with his will is eventually Zoche to everything. Your extreme Ratzon boomerangs Chas V'shalom, and it slows down the process!

Story

I know of two older singles who were told to stop pressuring Hashem with their constant Bitachon to get what they want. Instead, they were told to keep saying words of accepting the situation, like: נֶׁאֱמָן עָלַי הַשוֹפֵט — I trust Hashem’s judgment. Both of them saw a sudden improvement, and Shiduchim started moving as soon as they started this approach. Within a few months, both were engaged. I know a Yungerman who had a serious kidney issue, and despite all his Tefilos, he couldn’t have children. As soon as he accepted his situation, his wife became pregnant.

Even when you are having Bitachon to get what you want, the experts say that instead of being always tense and worried (“When will my Bitachon work?”) you should proceed B'menucha and in a relaxed mode.