One of the great leaders of Yerushalayim in the previous generation was Rav Moshe Blau zt”l, known for his exceptional righteousness and efforts on behalf of Yerushalayim‘s residents. On one occasion, he was seen walking with his daughter in the city streets, carrying a large pot of steaming food prepared in his home for his widowed mother.
As Rav Moshe carried the large pot with both hands to his mother‘s home, a friend met him and remarked that it was undignified for a person of his stature to walk through the streets carrying a pot. The friend suggested it would be more appropriate to disguise the pot with an attractive cover or have his daughter carry it instead.
Rav Moshe did not understand the objection and replied sharply, “For whom is this pot intended? For my widowed mother! Why shouldn‘t I personally exert myself for the mitzvah of honoring my mother? Chazal already taught us in such cases, ’It is a greater mitzvah for the person himself than through an agent‘ (Kiddushin 41a). On the contrary, this is my honor, not my embarrassment.”
Indeed, the Gemara (Kiddushin 31b) explicitly recounts the extraordinary measures taken by Rabbi Tarfon to honor his mother: “Rabbi Tarfon had a mother. Whenever she wanted to get into bed, he would bend down so she could step on him to ascend. When she descended, she would step down on him as well. He came to the beis midrash and praised himself, but they said, ’You have not yet reached even half the honor required. Has she ever thrown a purse of coins into the sea before you, and you did not shame her?’”
Tosafos (d”h Rabbi Tarfon) cites a remarkable story from the Yerushalmi:
Once, Rabbi Tarfon‘s mother lost her slipper in the courtyard. She got out of bed to search for it, and Rav Tarfon placed his hands under her feet on the ground so her feet would not become soiled, and she stepped on his hands.
The Chikrei De‘ah (Yoreh De’ah 240:7) explains that this obligation supersedes concerns about a dignified elder performing such acts, as honoring parents is compared to honoring Hashem. Similarly, the honor due to talmid chacham does not exempt one from this mitzvah.
Sadly, in our generation, there is some neglect in the mitzvah of honoring father and mother. Children today do not show the same level of respect and obedience toward their parents as was customary in earlier generations. The younger generation has grown increasingly accustomed to indulging themselves, exploiting their parents for their own needs, and failing to honor them properly.
I heard a lament from my dear mother, a”h, who observed the behavior of today’s youth. She remarked that the roles have reversed, and it seems as if the commandment has become: “Honor your son and your daughter,” chas
Strengthening Ourselves in Honoring Parents
My esteemed father, Rav Levi HaKohen, zt”l, once showed me the words of Maran the Beis Yosef regarding the laws of honoring one’s parents (Yoreh De’ah, siman 240), where he records an extraordinary story:
The father of the Maharam of Rothenburg zt”l, held his son in the highest regard, as the Maharam was among the greatest leaders of his generation. Since the Maharam was also the head of a renowned yeshivah, his father stood up in his honor. (The Gemara in Kiddushin 33b discusses this issue).
The Maharam, however, was deeply distressed by this, as he could not bear the thought of his father exerting himself to honor him. Consequently, he refrained from visiting his father to avoid this situation (Rosh, Kiddushin, siman 57).
See from here how far this mitzvah extends!
