They moved away from the dwellings of Korach, Dasan and Aviram all around... and their wives and children and infants. (Bemidbar 16:26)
“Their wives and children and infants” – This shows how destructive quarrelling is. The earthly court of justice punishes only from the age of puberty, and the Heavenly court of justice only from the age of twenty. But here, even sucklings perished. (Rashi)
It is well known by all, and particularly by Jews, that quarreling is a bad thing. It is deplorable and damaging. It can destroy entire towns, communities and families, may Hashem protect us.
The Torah recounts how the fire of machlokes devours old and young alike, both the evil and the righteous. So unfortunate is the place, the community, the shul or the family in which a fight breaks out! Because once it breaks out, it’s very hard to stop. It is like a fierce wildfire that is insatiable. It sweeps up more and more, and leaves behind just ruin, destruction and tragedy.
Therefore, the intelligent person will remain silent at that time. 1 Amos 5:13.
When there is a quarrel, the most important thing is to keep quiet. Sometimes a person is sure he is right, and is so indignant about the injustice that was done to him by the other party. The desire builds up inside him to answer back tit-for-tat, as if a fire is building up within him. But if he keeps himself under control and holds his quiet, about him it is written:
For every single moment that a person closes his mouth, he merits the hidden light that no angel or creature can even imagine.
Not only that, but the entire world’s existence is in his merit:
The world continues to exist only for he who stops (בולם) his mouth at a time of quarrel, as it says, תולה ארץ על בלימה. 2 Letter of Vilna Ga’on, citing a Midrash.
Although people know a big machlokes is bad, they aren’t as concerned about little arguments and squabbles at home. They tend to think it isn’t really such a big deal.
The truth is that every machlokes, even the smallest, is potentially disastrous. We see in the Torah passage about the sotah that Hashem allows His holy Name, inscribed with proper sanctity on parchment, to be dissolved in water, in order to bring peace between husband and wife. If there isn’t domestic harmony, it is worse than erasing Hashem’s holy Name.
The rule is that “the earthly kingdom resembles the Heavenly kingdom.” 3 Iyov 26:7. 4 Chulin 89a. 5 Berachos 58a. In other words, Hashem acts toward us as we act ourselves. Let’s say you would be invited as a guest in a certain home and when you got there you found out that they are embroiled in petty fights and quarrels. This would be so hard to endure. You would wish you never came there in the first place and would just be waiting for a chance to leave. So it is with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. He doesn’t want to dwell in a home where there is fighting, and He takes His Shechinah away from such a place right away.
The converse is true as well. If your spouse speaks sharply to you at home, but you keep quiet and let it go by, and afterward you don’t mentally dwell on the incident but simply forget about it – this causes the Shechinah to dwell in the world in general and in your home especially.
Just as engaging in machlokes brings curse, so avoiding machlokes brings blessing, life and health to a person and his family. All the gates of berachah and good fortune open up for him.
Hakadosh Baruch Hu found no more fitting vessel to hold blessing for the Jewish people than peace. 6 Devarim Rabbah 5:15.
