THERE WAS AN OUTSTANDING STUDENT learning in the Gerrer yeshiva, and the rosh yeshiva, the Pnei Menachem, zt”l, enjoyed speaking with him in learning. His brilliance outshined all the other students.
The boy’s father visited the Pnei Menachem to inquire about his son’s progress. The Pnei Menachem replied, “He’s doing well. He learns well.” That was all — in so many words, he is doing well but nothing exceptional. He didn’t tell him how special and scholarly his son was.
The boy’s father then headed to witness his son learning in action. When he entered the beis midrash and introduced himself as the father of that particular boy, he got many accolades as being the father of the best boy in the yeshiva. The other boys expressed how the rosh yeshiva enjoys talking in learning with his son, and how he is the go-to boy of the yeshiva. “We are so privileged to have him in the yeshiva!”
This puzzled the father. Why hadn’t the rosh yeshiva said anything like this when he’d spoken with him just before? He asked around to make sure they were talking about the same boy, and they confirmed that it was him.
The father thus went back to the Pnei Menachem with his quandary. “The boys in the yeshiva told me that you enjoy speaking with my son in learning, and you talk with him all the time. Why didn’t you give me a more enthusiastic and passionate report when I asked about my son? The response I got was that of a boy who’s doing just fine, but now that I see how he is really doing, I’m bothered why you gave me this mediocre report.”
The Pnei Menachem explained, “Parents have to daven for their children. I didn’t want to take away from you the merit of tefillah. Had I praised your son, you would feel confident that everything is fine, and you would stop davening for his success. That would be a great loss, and that’s why I avoided impressing you with the ideal report.”
The Pnei Menachem then added a personal story to bring out his point. “I was born from my parent’s second marriage. Once, my mother cried before her second husband, the Imrei Emes, that a son from her first marriage was being drafted to the army. The Imrei Emes replied with a berachah: ‘May Hashem help.’
“My mother told her mother how worried she was about her son. Her mother was the Imrei Emes’s sister. She went to the Imrei Emes and asked him about her grandson. The Imrei Emes assuredly replied, ‘Don’t worry. He won’t be drafted.’ When he gave this havtachah, promise, everyone calmed down, and Baruch Hashem, there was a salvation.
“My mother asked the Imrei Emes, ‘If you knew my son wouldn’t be drafted, and he would returned unharmed, why didn’t you tell me right away? I was so worried.’
“The Imrei Emes replied, ‘A mother must daven. I knew there would be a yeshuah, but your tears were needed in order for it to come to culminate. Had you known that he would surely would you return, you would stop davening and crying, and your tears were necessary for the yeshuah!’”
The Pnei Menachem turned to the father, “This is why I didn’t elaborate on your son’s success. I didn’t want you feeling that everything was wonderful and feel that there’s no need to daven. A parent must daven.”
