A Husband Must Overcome His Negative Traits:
Rav Moshe Dov Fisher zt”l (a disseminator of Torah in Zurich) related (in Sefer M’Do Bad) that he once brought a kvittel to Rav Yankele of Pshevorsk zy”a and simultaneously gave him a kvittel that he had been asked to give the Rebbe by a couple that was suffering from much discord and strife. The Rebbe told him as follows:
“You should know that these types of problems are the husband’s fault. He is failing to overcome his negative character traits. The Gemara (Rosh Hashanah 17A) greatly praises one who overpowers his bad middos. I ask you, who is the Gemara talking about? To a man who learns Gemara or to a woman who kneads dough to make challah?
“Of course, it is speaking to the man! For the sake of shalom bayis, he has to work on improving his character!”
Rav Fisher adds that he continued to speak to the Rebbe about another topic but before he left, the Rebbe reiterated, “You must know that the husband is usually at fault. When he gets up from the table and leaves behind his dirty cup as a ‘memento’ for his wife, he certainly makes her upset... You must speak to the husband and tell him to change his ways. He must act like a mentch and he can then hope that peace returns to his home.”
