In his sefer Daas Moshe, Reb Moshe of Kozhnitz cites R’ Elazar Lizhensker, a son of the Rebbe R’ Meilech, on the passuk: “Lech-lecha me’artzecha umimoladt’cha umibeis avicha el-ha’aretz asher arecha — Go forth from your land and from your birthplace and from your father’s house, to the land that I will show you.” There, the Torah continues, Am Yisrael will become a great nation.
Sometimes, R’ Elazar notes, we approach avodas Hashem from the perspective of “my country, my birthplace, and my father’s house,” and rely on what these factors have to offer. Each country has its own qualities. For example, there are some countries that seem to naturally produce very strong people, while other countries produce good people. But even if a person lives in a country that seems to naturally produce good people, he shouldn’t rely on that and consider himself assured of being a good person.
Similarly, if for example, a person has a naturally kind disposition, he shouldn’t rest on his laurels and rely on his natural instincts to guide him toward becoming an ehrliche Yid. In the same way, a person should not think that because he comes from a “good family,” with parents and grandparents who are ehrliche Yidden, he is assured of becoming an ehrliche Yid himself.
Rather, in order to attain heights in avodas Hashem, a person has to invest a tremendous amount of effort and not rely on anything external. Even in the best of circumstances, with the “ideal” characteristics, family, and community, there are no guarantees.
This is a general lesson about not relying on the environment, and can be applied to our responsibilities with the chinuch of our children. Often, people assume that if the background is basically okay, things will turn out fine. If the marriage is stable, the family lives in a good community, and they send their children to good mosdos, then their children will surely grow up just fine. Sometimes it does work—at least for some children in a family, but not necessarily for all of them. Parents need to know that they must invest the required hishtadlus, and most of all, heartfelt tefillah, if they want to see their children grow up to be ehrliche yidden.
The Rebbe Rashab of Lubavitch would say that a person should set aside fifteen minutes a day to be misbonen about chinuch habanim; to think deeply about ways to guide his children to the right derech. He should invest as much time as he does to lay tefillin. Tefillah and the right hishtadlus are absolutely vital, and are not meant to be resorted to only in problematic situations.
