Being that sadly the above topic is something that people aren’t careful enough about, I would like to mention a number of points that I saw in the sefer Higiah Zeman (pg. 125 – 126).
Chazal tell us that a person's sustenance is fixed from one Rosh Hashanah until the next [except for the expenses of Shabbos and Yom Tov, and Talmud Torah]. That means, everything that one is going to earn in the upcoming year is fixed, and one is going to earn x amount of money that year. One must be careful not to overspend, since he will not be given any additional money, and one will only receive what was fixed (Beitzah 16a and Rashi). This serves as a great rebuke for our times, where sadly many people violate this and don’t pay attention to how they behave with their household expenses to make sure to keep away from any extra and unnecessary expenses. This bad behavior, which ultimately leads to theft, embezzlement, and disgrace, has brought down many. Blessed is he who manages his household expenses according to the value of his income and doesn’t spend any more than this (Mishnah Berurah, Biur Halachah, Orach Chaim 529:1).
In another the place the Chofetz Chaim adds: “And among these luxuries, in our times it has become normal to spend lots of money on clothes for the wedding. This has led to many girls coming to the age of marriage in disgrace, their father and mother are crying and weeping, and they have no savior. There are many evils and troubles that befall them, and who causes all this if not the increase in expenses and the luxuries of attire that have become a regular occurrence in the world, which cause harm to themselves, in this world and in the next, and to the entire world (Chofetz Chaim zt"l in the kuntros Sefas Tamim Perek 5).
The Steipler (cited in Toldos Yaakov, pg. 145) writes: It is necessary to raise awareness of what has become widespread, especially in our generation, that parents commit to more than they can afford for their sons' marriages by collecting money from their relatives, and by disgracing themselves by going from house to house, and from one gemach to the next. They even skimp on expenses, causing tension in the home, and sometimes even reaching a breakdown in their marriage, all so that the young couple can live a life of prosperity and comfort. Therefore, parents should be careful not to commit more than they can towards their sons' marriages, and even if there is jealousy between the brothers, this is not a justification for a breakdown. Parents should be careful, especially with the first marriage, not to commit more than they can, even if the money is still in their hands, “and the end of a matter is better than its beginning.”
Therefore, in fact, a person is prohibited from committing more than he can for the marriage of his children if he has no way to pay, and only if he sees a way and possibility to fulfill his commitment in the coming years can he commit (R’ Elyashiv, quoted in Yevakshei MiPihu pg. 158).
It is known that one of the great difficulties of life is the issue of financial commitments when making shidduchim. However, the truth is, one isn’t obligated to give what he doesn’t have, as what should he do, steal? Rather he should say that he will try b’ezras Hashem to give what he thinks is possible, and he should tell the other party that they should also do this, and they should both daven that they have what is needed. (R’ Chaim Kanievsky zt”l, Minchas Todah pg. 465).
