Same Old Shul
Sharon is out shopping one day when she meets Rabbi Levy.
"Hello rabbi," she says. "How are you? I hope you are keeping well."
"Well if I'm not mistaken," says Rabbi Levy, "it's Mrs. Gross, isn't it?"
"Yes rabbi, it is," replies Sharon.
"I haven't seen you in shul now for quite some time," says Rabbi Levy.
"I know," says Sharon, looking quite embarrassed, "I stopped going to shul some time ago because every time I went, it was always the same old thing."
"Always the same thing?" asks Rabbi Levy, looking puzzled, "I don't understand you."
"You know, rabbi," explains Sharon, "KOL NIDRAY..."
The VIP Shul
One New York synagogue was notorious for its exclusiveness. One day a homeless Jewish man entered the synagogue, wanting to pray. He approached the rabbi and told him that he wished to join the synagogue. Not knowing what to say, the rabbi suggested that the homeless man take the night to reflect on which house of worship would truly suit him best.
The following day the homeless man returned to the exclusive synagogue.
Frustrated, the rabbi asked the man if he had done any introspection as he had suggested.
“Oh yeah,” replied the homeless man. “In fact, God came to me in a dream last night to discuss it with me.”
“I see,” said the rabbi. “And what did he tell you?”
“God asked me what shul I wanted to daven in, and I said yours. And He said ‘Oh no, you won’t be able to get in there.’ And I said, ‘Why not?’ and He said, ‘Because I’ve been trying to get into that shul for years but I can’t get in.’”
Whats Your Name
One day Mrs. Kvetch, was looking after her six-year-old when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head.
Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room.
When she went in at 5:00 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead.
It read: "My name is Daniel."
The Stop
A police officer stops Yankel for speeding & reckless driving and asks him very nicely if he could see his license.
Yankel replied in a huff, "I vish you guys could get your act togeder. Just yesterday you take avay my license and now today you expect me to show it to you."
