The Ballad Of Avraham (to the tune of the Ballad of Jed Clampett)
Come and listen to my story ‘bout a man named Abe,
Lived up in Ur where he married quite a babe,
And then one day as he was walking ‘round the sod,
He got a voicemail from the L-rd our G-d.
Yes, that is. The big "G".
Well the first thing you know ol’ Abe’s a chosen race.
The L-rd G-d said, "Abe, leave your kin and place"
Said the Middle East is the place you ought to be
So he loaded up his kin and became an Israeli.
Kosher, that is, Promised Land, Milk and Honey.
Well, now it’s time to say "L’Chaim" to Abe for all his faith.
Through many long years in G-d’s great plan
We have yet to see our ultimate fate
We’ll be stepping in real soon for the finish of G-d’s whole plan
When we are taken out of here and go to our own land.
Y’all be ready now, ya hear?
Sayings of Biblical Mothers
Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don't know where it's been!
David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!
Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!
Kayin! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!
Noah! No, you can't keep them! I told you, don't bring home any more strays!
Know Your Bible
A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' the Bible?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
