QUESTION: In an attempt to “reach” the client and improve his behavior, is a marriage therapist that encounters a client who is a not a good spouse, allowed to lie to the client and tell him that he is indeed, a good spouse and should avoid behaviors and actions that are unbecoming of him? This is the common method of setting a high standard for someone to bolster their confidence and then comparing their actions to the standard that they have set (i.e. “You’re too good of a person to be acting this way”). This may be an effective way to influence behavior but is one violating, “MiDvar Sheker Tirchak” – the command to distance oneself from falsehood?
ANSWER: We know that one is permitted to lie to keep and promote Shalom (peace) so it would appear that a marriage counselor lying to a client in the matter prescribed above to improve their behavior, would be a case of lying to promote Shalom and would therefore be permitted.
May one lie in order to save another person from committing a transgression? The Gemorah in Gittin 67a and in Sanhedrin 5a indicate that one is permitted to do so. However, what about lying to help correct a character flaw? Would that be considered, “saving one from a transgression” and be permitted? Well, it depends on the character flaw. We know that lying to help someone with their anger is permitted.
However, to correct other negative character traits like impatience or carelessness – i.e. traits that do not necessarily affect keeping the peace is unclear. This aspect needs to be researched further, but for the time being, we should avoid lying unless it directly affects keeping the peace or correcting a character flaw that is outright forbidden.
