There was a married couple with children that had moved from the United States to Bnei Brak. The couple had converted to Torah Judaism while in America and had sought a more spiritual environment in Eretz Yisrael.
Their daughter attended a Bais Yaakov in Bnei Brak and, unfortunately, was teased by some of the other girls in her school for being a convert. As a result, she did not wish to return to school.
The parents were at wits’ end and did not know what to do. It was suggested that they go to Rav Eliezer Menachem Man Shach ZT”L (1899-2001) for advice. After presenting the problem to Rav Shach, he requested that they bring their daughter to him.
Rav Shach asked the young girl. “Do you know who I am?” The girl responded, “Of course, you are Rav Shach!” Rav Shach responded, “Yes, but I am also going to tell you something else." He continued, "Do you know that I too am a Ger (convert)? And not only that, but many teachers in your Bais Yaakov are also Geirim. There is nothing wrong with being a Ger – in fact, it is a very precious thing and something of which to be very proud. If anyone ever says anything negative to you about it, smile to yourself and be very proud of who you are.”
Rav Shach was widely known for his absolute devotion to Emes (truth). After the meeting with the young girl, someone asked Rav Shach how he could have left the young girl with the impression that he was actually a Ger.
Rav Shach explained: “In order to remove Tzaar, anguish from someone – it is permitted to lie. When Chazal tell us that for someone who is careful to only say Emes that it is “Mutar L’Shanos MiPnei HaShalom” to promote peace and harmony it is permitted to “veer” from the truth, this also includes trying to alleviate someone’s Tzaar.
Nonetheless, it is still preferable, if possible, to use an expression that is still technically true – even if the person you are speaking to may interpret it differently. It states in Parshas Aikev (Devarim 10:19), ‘You must love the Ger for you were Geirim in Mitzrayim.’ Technically, we are all Geirim (and/or descendants thereof).”
The young lady went back to school and adjusted quite well, having been inspired by Rav Shach. If we observe that a person’s anguish can be relieved by veering from the truth we should do so. If, however, the lie can be minimized by technically making sure that what we say is still true on some level, we should do so as well as we see from Rav Shach in the story above.
