Dear Alumni Sheyichyu! Sholom U’Brocho! Mazel Tov to Moshe Frank on the occasion of his engagement. May he use out the special period of Yokor Mikol yokor to its’ utmost! (If anyone is aware of any mazeltov’s that I omitted, please let me know). Thank you as always for the feedback, it is much appreciated.
The following story about the Frierdige Rebbe is one that I heard more than once, but I’m not sure about the source, so I’ll welcome a source, as well as more (corrected) details:
The Rebbe Rashab was once attending an event in the home or apartment of the Frierdige Rebbe (I don’t recall if it was a chanukas habayis or farbrengen connected with a yomad’pagre or otherwise). During the event, the Rebbe Rashab wished al’chayim to the baal habayis. The Frierdige Rebbe turned to his father, and tearfully implored him: ‘Father, please remove this title from me. A balebos is a dovor mezuham,-a disgusting creature, and I wouldn’t want to be adorned with this label’!
What’s so wrong with a balebos? Why does being considered one warrant such vehement opposition from the Frierdige Rebbe? What is so despicable about being a balebos?
For that matter, what is the criteria for being considered–or not being considered–a balebos? Does it depend on how someone dresses, or on how he speaks? Is there specific conduct that would remove from someone this title that the Frierdige Rebbe described as a “dovor mezuham”–a disgusting creature?
In fact, there is a very illuminating letter from the Rebbe, that sheds much light on the matter, and that we can all learn much from. The letter is printed in Likkutei Sichos volume 12, pg.166, and is an excerpt of a letter to Zalman Shazar, then President of Israel. Following is a free translation:
“..I am reminded of the saying of my father-in-law the Rebbe, who related that when he first began getting involved in business, he wrote a “pan” (pidyon nefesh) to his father (the Rebbe Rashab), in which he requested that he not acquire ‘the balebatishe hanachos’–the mindset of a balebos. He added, when relating this, that the mindset of a balebos is repulsive, albeit in a subtle way, since what is being referred to is a balebos who is keeping Torah and mitzvos with perfection. What then is his problem? That he is in mitzrayim;-in boundaries and limitations, for the duration of his life. His entire life is lived in such a way that today is the same as yesterday, and tomorrow is the same as today, and this holds true even with regards to the not-so-distant or distant future. Even worse, in his mind even the desire to change is the symptom of a meshugener;-i.e., not within the framework of a healthy mindset.”
What, then, is this terrible affliction of being a balebos? As defined by the Rebbe, it is the mindset that today may be no different than yesterday, and that tomorrow might not be any different than today. The notion that I might continue as I’ve been until now, without any goal to change, even if I’m doing everything that I’m supposed to do and in the way that I’m supposed to, is the malady called balebos.
So, there can be a great tzaddik who learns and davens all day long, who is meticulous in his performance of every mitzvah, and is imbued with a great love of Hashem. But he sees no need to change. He feels it would be just fine if he puts in the necessary effort to stay the path that he’s already on (and perhaps he even tells himself ‘even if I slack off a bit, I’ll still be a very pious individual, and light years ahead of most of my colleagues’).
[Maybe he even says “morgen vet zayn gor andersh” every night during his kriasshma she’al hamitah. But it’s only because that is the way to maintain his chassidishe conduct. His expectation is not more than to continue saying that same statement day after day]. That is the description of this despicable balebos.
On the other hand, there may be a bochur who is very lacking in his diligence. His hasmodoh and shkeidah in learning leave much to be desired. His davening is completely devoid of any measure of concentration. And to top it off he sneaks away periodically to watch movies on his i-pod vekadoimeh (convincing himself that the hanholoh is naïve and believes that he is spending so much time in the washroom because of stomach trouble, and forgetting about what the Rebbe Maharash said regarding who is really being fooled..)
But this bochur realizes that his involvement with movies (or music etc.) is wrong, and he wants to improve in that area. And he, therefore, tries to find ways to force himself to cut down, or perhaps even get rid of his electronic yetzer hora’s. He is trying to change, and is therefore not guilty of being a balebos. He has, without any doubt, a long way to go. But so do we all. So does every single person (to the extent that even Avrohom Avinu, in this week’s parsha, had to circumcise himself despite having lived as a tzaddik for 99 years). Because, Hashem is infinite. No matter what our current level is, there is still much further to go.
The key is knowing that we need to change, to continue ever to grow, and to always strive for that. It’s not so much about what you are–or aren’t–doing. It’s about realizing that today has to be better than yesterday, and tomorrow cannot–under any circumstances–be only as good as today.
●●●
Today is 7 Cheshvon, which is the culmination of Tishrei (as the Rebbe often quoted from the Shach: ‘until 7 Cheshvon the Yidden still felt as if they were still in Yerushalayim at the Beis hamikdash). It is another stage in “VeYaakov holach ledarko”. And the emphasis is on the “holach”. Just as in the name of the Parsha, in which the main theme is “lech”. Because the main focus of every person has to be to be a mehalech, to be always moving forward, and constantly growing. This is what we now have to derive from our Tishrei, and is the measuring stick of what we gained out of all of the special days in Tishrei.
Because the purpose of all the lofty experiences is to push us to more change. When we want to assess where we’re holding in our avodas Hashem, it is not whether we have spiritual feelings and impressive davening, or whether we have a deep understanding of the profoundest ideas in chassidus. It is whether we are committed to change ourselves. And if we have that, then regardless of where we’re currently holding, then we’re decidedly on the right track.
In the words of the Rebbe (in the farbrengen of Shabbos Chayei Sara 5716): “What is the point of all of the pushing and squeezing and sweating during Tishrei, if after Tishrei he remains just as he was before”!
So let’s take advantage of 7 Cheshvon and Shabbos Lechlecho, and become ois balebatim! Let us each figure out what change is required of us, it doesn’t matter how big or small, and get to work on it. You’re not looking to pat yourself on the back for your prior accomplishments, but to determine where you could increase in your learning, increase in your davening, and find an area in which you can become a better chosid in general. And then, get to work!
L’chaim! May we all be living examples of our advantage over the malachim, which is the fact that we’re mehalchim rather than omdim and in a constant state of change, and may the Eibishter in turn implement the change that is dependent on Him, and change this golus into geula immediately, through the immediate hisgalus of Moshiach Tzidkeinu TUMYM!!!
Rabbi Akiva Wagner
