Before concluding, I would like to address a few words to any grandparents who might be reading this — of their own accord, that is. It can’t be stressed enough that parents only have one shot at chinuch — while their children are still unmarried and living at home. Once they’re married and out, your time’s up. If you consider them old enough and mature enough to get married and establish a family, you should also view them as old enough and mature enough to bring up their children properly.
And if you don’t see them as mature enough to be parents, why do you imagine that you will suddenly have success in being mechanech them once they are married? In any case, you already did your best at being mechanech them, and at this point trying to control one’s children is always wrong, no matter how old they are.
That doesn’t mean that you can’t respectfully express your opinion, sensitively and in private, if you feel that something must be said. However, going over your children’s heads and addressing your grandchildren directly is very harmful for everyone involved and should never be done.
It’s not unusual for parents of married children to realize their errors in the field of chinuch only later in life. However, the time for correcting things is past. We can always do teshuvah, apologize for where we went wrong, and try to exert a positive influence in the future. But mixing in is wrong, and a little bit of mixing in, is also wrong.
May Hashem guide us all to be mechanech our children with wisdom and siyatta diShmaya, and give us nachas from all our children.
