Reb Nochum, a prominent businessman from Brisk, would go to the large fair that took place in the bustling city of Lvov. Being that there were so many people attending the fair, coming from many different cities and all trying to sell their wares, it was a very busy event with a lot going on.
Even though Reb Nochum was very focused on what he had to accomplish when attending the fair, he enjoyed getting together with a group of Yekkeshe businessmen from Germany who also attended the fair every year. He admired their honesty and integrity in how they conducted their business affairs, and he looked forward to spending some time together with them by the fair.
One year, due to an unusually harsh winter, Reb Nochum was not able to return home on schedule from the fair, and he was forced to spend Purim in Lvov. Fortunately for Reb Nochum, his Yekkeshe friends were also stuck in Lvov for Purim, and they made up to have their Purim seudah together.
By the seudah, Reb Nochum made sure to bring along sufficient wine for everyone to have plenty to drink. After plying his Yekkeshe friends with wine, Reb Nochum realized that he finally had the perfect opportunity to get an answer to a question that had bothered him for many years.
He could not understand how that group of Yekkeshe businessmen, and specifically one Yid named Reb Yechiel, comported themselves with such a high standard of yiras Shomayim. After all, whenever Reb Nochum saw Reb Yechiel, it didn’t make a difference if it was during the day and Reb Yechiel was busy haggling and negotiating prices with other businessmen, or if it was in the hotel unwinding after a long day, Reb Yechiel always acted in a dignified fashion. Not only was he scrupulously honest, polite, and pleasant to be around, he also never wasted time. Whenever he was not conducting business, he was either learning or davening.
Over the years, Reb Nochum had asked Reb Yechiel what the secret was behind his admirable behavior, impeccable honesty, and tremendous yiras Shomayim. Reb Yechiel usually replied with a simple wave of his hand or even a shrug of his shoulder. Either way, he made it rather clear that it was not a topic he was interested in discussing.
Now, finally, was his golden opportunity. He made sure that Reb Yechiel had some good wine to enjoy by the Purim seudah and let the wine intoxicate him so that he’d be a little more relaxed than usual. After enjoying a tasty seudah filled with divrei Torah and song, Reb Nochum felt that now was his chance. He asked Reb Yechiel for the secret behind his unusually stellar behavior and disposition.
“Tell me, please, how you remain so calm, focused, and pleasant throughout the entire day. Not only that, but you also daven with immense concentration and spend any free time you may have engrossed in a sefer. How do you do it?”
“You really want to know?”
“Yes! Yes, most definitely.”
“OK, but I hope you won’t be disappointed, because it’s not something earth shattering. You see, every night before I go to sleep, like everyone, I recite k’rias Shema. Then, before I close my eyes, I make a request of Hashem:
‘Please Hashem, if You feel that tomorrow I can be of service to You, that I can accomplish and improve my relationship with You, then please return my neshomah to me tomorrow morning. However, if tomorrow won’t be a day that I will grow closer to You, then please, I beg of You, don’t return my neshomah to me!’
This is what I request of Hashem before I go to sleep when reciting the following words: ‘בּיָדוֹ אַפ קִיד רוּחִי , בּעֵת אִישַׁ ן ו אָעִִֽירָה — In His hand I entrust my spirit when I go to sleep and when I awaken.’
Well, if the next morning, Hashem deems it worthwhile to return my neshomah to me and I wake up, it must mean that Hashem has faith in me and believes that I have the ability to grow closer to Him today. Then, when I open my eyes and realize that I am alive, I thankfully recite Modeh Ani, thanking Him for mercifully returning my neshomah.
Nu, now you tell me,” concluded Reb Yechiel, “is it so difficult to do the right thing when you know with such certainty and clarity that Hashem believes that you have the ability to be successful in your avodas Hashem?”
Well, the same applies to everyone. The reason for Hashem returning out neshomah is for us to build a better relationship with Him, through our Torah and mitzvos. The fact that Hashem has returned our neshamos is the greatest proof of His belief in us. Wow!
