A few years ago, I was leading a trip to Israel with a group of young men, none of whom identified as religious. I remember the very first night of the trip, we visited Tzfat. One of the boys turned to me and said, “You know, I’m not religious... but that place was deeply spiritual.”
The next day, we visited the Kotel. Another participant said, “I’m not religious, but the Wall... that was powerful.” On the third day, we heard a talk from Charlie Harary. Yet another boy said, “I’m not religious, but that talk—wow, that was amazing.”
At that point, I turned to them and asked, “Why do you keep starting your sentences with ‘I’m not religious’?” They shrugged and said, “Because we’re not.” “Let me ask you something,” I said. “Do you eat matzah on Passover?” They said, “Yeah.” “Do you hear the shofar on Rosh Hashanah?” “Yeah.” “Do you kill?” “No.” “Do you steal?” “No.”
I smiled and said, “You keep saying you’re not religious... but you do all these things that are deeply rooted in religious values. Matzah. Shofar. Ethical conduct. These are the pillars of Judaism. That sounds pretty religious to me.” Then I shared with them something.
“If you define yourself by what you are not, that’s all you’ll ever be. But if you begin to define yourself by what you are, then who knows what you might become?” We all make mistakes. But when those moments happen, we face a choice: Do we define ourselves as the mistake? Or do we say, I made a mistake—but that’s not who I am?
When we begin to identify with the good within us, with the spiritual pull that already resonates in our lives, we open the door to incredible growth. We stop being “not religious” and start becoming wholesome.
The journey doesn't begin with perfection. It begins with the courage to say, “This is who I am. And this is who I want to be.”
