A remarkable incident occurred regarding the shidduch of Rav Yitzchak Yaakov Weiss zt”l, the Gaavad of the Eidah Chareidis and author of Minchas Yitzchak.
In the days before telephones, emails, faxes, or other modern communication methods, discussions about shidduchim in Europe were often limited in their ability to verify and investigate proposals thoroughly. A matchmaker would arrive from another town and present his suggestions based on his perspective, and people were often forced to rely on the matchmaker’s credibility to some extent. However, as the saying goes, “shadchan (שדכן) is an acronym for ‘lies and takes money’.”
When Rav Weiss reached marriageable age, a matchmaker from Grosswardein proposed a match. The match was presented as excellent—a daughter from a distinguished rabbinic family, with the bride’s father being one of Grosswardein’s esteemed rabbanim.
After conducting what investigation they could, the Weiss family decided to proceed with the match. They informed the other side of their agreement and set a date for the groom and his family to travel to the bride’s town to finalize the match.
Rav Yitzchak Yaakov Weiss, accompanied by his parents and family, embarked on the long journey. After several days of travel, they arrived in Grosswardein, settled into comfortable accommodations, and began the customary series of meetings before concluding the engagement.
The bride’s father, a distinguished talmid chacham, met with Rav Weiss and was deeply impressed by his brilliance, refinement, and exceptional character traits.
However, when it was time for Rav Weiss’s mother to meet the prospective kallah, disappointment awaited. Upon returning from her meeting with the young woman, she was visibly agitated and upset. To her dismay, she had noticed that the bride had a small hump on her back and appeared slightly hunched.
The mother was furious with the matchmaker for concealing such a significant detail, failing to mention even a word about it. She immediately unequivocally declared that they would pack their belongings and leave at once—the match was off.
However, here, the mother encountered an unexpected surprise. The young man himself was not so quick to agree to cancel the match. He fervently argued that he could not shame a Jewish girl publicly and humiliate her in front of everyone. The news had already spread throughout the city that this match was about to be finalized joyfully. Everyone knew the purpose of the visit by the renowned young talmid chacham to their town. He insisted that if they were to return home, the reason for the match’s cancellation would inevitably become known, leading to immense disgrace for the young woman. Who could say if she would ever find another match? How great would her anguish be, and how devastating her prospects for the future?
The young man was unmoved by his mother’s explanation that there would certainly be no shortage of suitable matches for someone of his caliber. He steadfastly maintained that this was a superficial matter, merely a matter of physical appearance, and that the true essence lay within—the inner middos. He reasoned that if Heaven had guided them to this match, then surely, From Hashem the matter emerged!
In the end, after much pleading, the mother relented to her righteous son’s insistence. She agreed that external appearances should not be overly concerning, recalling the teaching of Chazal (Avos 4:20): “Do not look at the vessel, but at what it contains.” The young woman found favor in their eyes as someone wise, filled with pure fear of Heaven, and possessing upright and noble character traits. They decided to proceed with the match despite the external imperfection to not shame her.
The match was concluded successfully, and the couple married in good time. They were blessed with a single son.
Years into their marriage, World War II broke out with great ferocity. By miraculous means that defy belief, they were saved from the horrific inferno of the Holocaust. (Rav Weiss documented these miracles in a special pamphlet titled “Pirsumei Nisa,” which is appended to the first volume of his responsa, Shut Minchas Yitzchak.)
The Rav attributed his salvation, in part, to the self-sacrifice he had displayed in finalizing this match to avoid shaming a worthy Jewish woman—likening it to the selflessness of Rachel Imeinu, who revealed the signs to prevent her sister from being embarrassed.
What’s more, despite the trials he endured and being married three times in his life, the only lasting progeny he had resulted from this match—a single son, Rav Berish Weiss zt”l, one of the prominent rabbanim in Manchester, England. From him, an illustrious family of upright descendants continues to grow, a shining legacy for Beis Yisrael.
The righteous Rav Weiss often attributed all this merit to that great mitzvah of not shaming a Jewish daughter in any way.
This teaches us how essential it is to guard the honor of the Jewish people and how immense the reward for this is, especially in matters of matchmaking. As Chazal teach, it was in the merit of Rachel’s mitzvah that the future redemption will come. As recorded in the Midrash (Eichah Rabbah, Introduction 24), at the time of the destruction, the Avos, Imahos, and the seven Shepherds all pleaded on behalf of Klal Yisrael but were unsuccessful. Only Rachel’s merit prevailed, ensuring future salvation.
