The Shidduch Crisis in our generation refers to the increasing difficulty faced by many Jewish singles in finding suitable partners. This phenomenon has become an urgent issue in Jewish communities around the world. Several factors contribute to this complex challenge:
1. Late Marriage Age: Growing focus on career development and advanced education often leads individuals to delay marriage. Postponing the start of matchmaking can impact opportunities to find a suitable partner.
2. Geographical Dispersion: The spread of Jewish Communities throughout the world has led to a wider geographical spread of communities. When Jewish singles are dispersed in various locations, it becomes harder to find potential matches within nearby communities.
3. Changing Social Norms: Evolving attitudes towards relationships and marriage have influenced traditional matchmaking methods complicating the alignment of expectations between individuals from different backgrounds.
4. High Expectations: Increased standards stemming from idealistic expectations and a larger pool of potential partners can, paradoxically, make finding a match more difficult. People may hold very high expectations and fantasies, which can narrow the field and complicate the search for a suitable partner.
Addressing the matchmaking crisis requires a coordinated effort from all of us. A powerful way to contribute is through traditional matchmaking activities, especially during the somber period of the Three Weeks.
Matchmaking as a Path to Redemption
During the Three Weeks leading up to Tisha B’Av, we mourn the destruction of the Temple and other tragedies in Jewish history. This period invites us to reflect deeply on those who have not yet established homes in Israel. The Talmud teaches that arranging marriages and building new homes is akin to restoring and renewing the ruins of Jerusalem. The mitzvah of matchmaking during this time is a way to symbolically restore what was destroyed. As Rabbi Nachman bar Yitzchak says:
רַב נַחְמָן בַּר יִצְחָק אָמַר: )כָּל הַמְּשַׁמֵּחַ אֵת הַכַּתוּן נִמְשָׁל לוֹ( כְּאִבּ וּלָּנָה אֶחָת מֵחֲרוֹבוֹת יְרשׁוָּלִַם )ברכות ו ב(
Rabbi Nachman bar Yitzchak said: Anyone who brings joy to the bridegroom is considered as if he built one of the ruins of Jerusalem” (Berakhot 6b).
It is important to understand that the obligation to engage in matchmaking is not limited to the Three Weeks; it is a continual duty. The Talmud tells us that when we are judged in the Heavenly Court, one of the central questions is whether we were involved in “procreation and multiplication”:
אָמַר רָבָא: בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁמַּכְנִיסִין אָדָם לְדִּין, אוֹמְרִים לוֹ: עָסַקְתָּ בִּפְרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה )שבת ל״א א(
Rava said: At the time when a person is brought in for judgment, they ask him: Have you engaged in procreation and multiplication?” (Shabbat 31a:11).
The Maharsha, Rabbi Shmuel HaLevi Eidels (1555-1631), author of Chidushei Aggadot on the Talmud, explains that the term “engaged” (עסקת) is used instead of “fulfilled” (קיימת) in this context. His interpretation suggests that the question in the Heavenly Court is not merely whether a person directly fulfilled the mitzvah of procreation and multiplication, but whether they engaged in the mitzvah by helping others to do so. This includes efforts such as matchmaking, which contribute to building homes, the continuity of the Jewish people, and the renewal of Jerusalem. As he writes:
לא אמר קיימת מצוות פריה ורביה אלא עסקת, דהיינו להשיא יתום ויתומה )חידושי אגדות על שבת ל״א א(
“It does not say ‘fulfilled the mitzvah of procreation and multiplication’ but ‘engaged,’( in the mitzvah of procreation and multiplication) meaning to help marry orphans” (Chidushei Aggadot on Shabbat 31a).
Just as a couple struggling to expand their family will try every possible way to have a child, so too must we invest significant effort in helping others find their match. This act of “procreation and multiplication” extends beyond the literal birth of children to include helping others in establishing families. During the Three Weeks, as we contemplate the destruction of the Temple, we should ask ourselves whether we are actively involved in helping others find suitable partners, thereby contributing to redemption and the rebuilding of the Temple.
Being a Matchmaker: A Call to Action
May it be our will that the Three Weeks turn from days of sorrow to joy and happiness for individuals and the community. As we pray for the speedy rebuilding of the Holy Temple, we must also commit to actively contributing to matchmaking, assisting in the fulfillment of the mitzvah of procreation and multiplication, and strengthening the continuity of our people. Let us work to rebuild the ruins of Jerusalem by helping to establish new homes and families and be worthy of the rapid rebuilding of the Holy Temple in our days.
