Finally, they asked him for the reason for his stubbornness.
“I’ll tell you the truth”, he confided, “Once upon a time, I, too, was a Yeshiva bochur, studying in one of the high caliber Lithuanian style Yeshivos. Over the years, I dropped any connection with Judaism that I ever had. But the one thing which remained with me from my Yeshiva days, is the opposition to Lubavitch, so how can I allow myself to cooperate with these Lubavitchers?”
The “driver”, who was watching the whole exchange from the sidelines, could no longer contain himself, and exclaimed: “I, too, was once upon a time a Yeshiva bochur. I, too, over the years, discarded all the practices of Yiddishkeit that I had back in Yeshiva. And I, too, have only one thing that remained with me from when I studied in Yeshiva, in Lubavitch, in my youth, which is unconditional love towards every single Jew, regardless of who he is!”
Chazal teach us: The first Beis hamikdash was destroyed because of the 3 aveiros of avoda zara, giluy arayos and shfichus domim. And the second beis hamikdash was destroyed because of sinas chinam.
Which sounds very puzzling, were people really so terrible in times of the second BHMK? Did they, indeed, practice sinas chinam? This seems hard to comprehend. After all, this is something that, even in our times, is rare to nonexistent. Sinas chinam? Senseless hatred, hatred for no reason at all?! Did any of us ever hear of such a thing?
True, we hear of occasional arguments and disagreements and, well, machlokes, even in our days. Perhaps even in Lubavitch. But sinas chinam?! For no reason at all?! It’s absolutely unheard of!
Ask anyone who’s experiencing any type of friction with someone else why they don’t get along. Why, he’ll usually have more reasons than you have time to listen to! That guy is a lowlife, he stole from me, he insulted me, he is jeopardizing my livelihood. Or he’s competing with me, hurting my avodas hashlichus, he’s a mushroom, his son is a mushroom, his father is a mushroom, his shvigger is a mushroom.
The list is endless. But there is always a very convincing reason, a seemingly credible justification for not liking the other guy. I don’t think you’ll ever hear (or, at any rate, I think it’s very rare) someone say ‘I can’t stand that guy just because, for no good reason at all.’ So, what was up with our forefathers? What brought them to sink so low, to commit the unthinkable? How could they have been guilty (and, apparently in a widespread manner) of sinas chinam?!
In the first beis haMikdash, it’s more understandable. They were guilty of the three cardinal sins, but; firstly, that was a very powerful yetzer hora in those times (as Chazal tell us), and, moreover, each of those aveiros can be done in many levels. There can be a very subtle form of avoda zora (to the point that Chazal teach us that anyone living outside of Eretz Yisroel is עובד עבודה זרה בטהרה), and the same thing with the others (like malbin pnei chaveiro which is considered shfichus domim), so it is not incomprehensible that these aveiros should be widespread (in some form) even while the beis haMikdash was standing.
But sinas chinam? For no reason? How does that make any sense?
For that matter, why the emphasis to begin with on the fact that it was sinas chinam? Seemingly the aveiro was לא תשנא את אחיך בלבביך, of lacking in ahavas Yisroel, does it make any difference if it is with a cause or without? With the three aveiros of the first beis haMikdash, we only speak about the aveiros themselves, there’s no mention whether they were committed with or without cause.
Why the focus, with the aveiro of sinas Yisroel, on the fact that it was chinam?
Moreover, if, for some reason, the cause of the strife is an important factor, if it is relevant that the aveiro that caused the churban was – not merely sinas yisroel, but – specifically sinas chinam, then it would raise another question:
In the gemoro in Gittin, in the sugya of Tisha b’Av, the gemoro tells the story of Kamtzo and bar Kamtzo, to illustrate how the destruction of the beis haMikdash was caused by their quarrelling. But, it is only a valid illustration, if the aveiro we are seeking an example of is machlokes, or sinas Yisroel in general. But if the aveiro being discussed is specifically sinas chinam, then there should have been included in the story somehow, and most importantly, the fact that the origin of their quarrel was causeless. In fact, there’s no indication of that at all? (For all we know, bar kamtzo may have moved into the neighborhood of Mr. “hahu gavra” and started collecting money from his balei batim!). So, if the problem is specifically sinas chinam, then we don’t see it in the story at all?
Perhaps we can understand all of this better by first learning a bit of a maamar in Likutei Torah:
Perspective from Likutei Torah
In Parshas Emor (dibur hamaschil usfartem lochem) the Alter Rebbe discusses the request in davening ולא נבוש לעולם ועד. The Alter Rebbe explains: In this world we are unable to see the truth (as Chazal say כי לא יראני האדם, וחי אבל במיתתן רואים). We are unable to see how everything is really G-dliness; instead, we are under the illusion that the world is real, and we spend all of our time and effort pursuing earthly pleasures and physical indulgences.
After 120 years, when our soul returns to its’ source, suddenly our eyes are opened, and we see clearly that our entire sojourn in this physical plane was misguided. In the words of the Alter Rebbe, it was one big mekach to’us, a mistake, we were investing in something that turned out to be a fraud, a fake, absolute nothingness (a huge Ponzi scheme). That realization, that all of our years on the world were actually spent being delusional, is a source of acute embarrassment! Hence the request ולא נבוש לעולם ועד, we should be spared this great embarrassment, by turning towards ahavas Hashem and yiras Hashem while in this world.
Now, let’s try to apply the same reasoning to our fights and squabbles: Every single person who I am in a fight with is with good cause. In one way or another, he hurt my metzius, my existence. He jeopardized my money or my kovod or my influence (or my olam hazeh or my olam habo). In some way or other he stepped on my toes, and it’s only fitting that I should avenge myself from him until the end of days.
But, one day, very soon (not ch”v because we’re going to leave the world soon, but because we’re going to merit the coming of Moshiach very soon) we’re suddenly going to experience a drastic change of perspective. It will suddenly come to light that, in fact, I am not a metzius, will never be a metzius, and was never anything of significance to begin with (because Ein od milvado).
At that point we would have to reassess the cause for our getting insulted, and come to the conclusion that it was a mekach to’us, it was one big misunderstanding. It was all based on an assumption that the world is a metzius and I am a(n even bigger) metzius, and this person who hurt my metzius needs to have severe consequences. But, when it turns out that I was never a metzius in the first place, I was merely being delusional, then there’s no metzius that was hurt.
[As the Tzemach Tzedek said to a chosid: “Farvos darfst du zich mispashet zein iber dem gantze beis hamidrash, az vu yener tret iz dos oif dir (the Tzemach Tzedek said to a chosid who complained that others were stepping all over him: ‘Why do you spread out over the entire beis midrash, so that wherever anyone steps, he’s stepping all over you). In other words, why do you consider yourself such a metzius? Realize that you aren’t a metzius, and no one will be able to insult you or hurt you].
Ay, you say, but that guy is also nothing (and an ever bigger nothing than me)? You’re right! So the perpetrator is nothing, he doesn’t exist so he couldn’t have done anything to me. The victim is nothing, so nothing could have been done to him. And the whole world is כלא חשיבא, so whatever was done is really nothing anyway. And if nothing did nothing to nothing, how does that become grounds for starting world war 3?!
Indeed, the hatred and strife, in every instance, is true sinas chinam in the fullest sense of the word!
And this was especially true for the Jews living in the time of the beis hamikdash. The beis haMikdash was the place of giluy Elokus in the world, it was the place where כשם שבא ליראות כך בא לראות, it was a place where the truth of Emes Hashem leolam was readily apparent. In the times of the beis haMikdash there was the ability of לעלות וליראות ולהשתחוות, which means not being a metzius, but rather being truly and thoroughly botul to Hashem. The beis haMikdash was the time and place where they truly had the capacity to forget about themselves, and therefore not be insulted or offended or provoked. When that was not the case, what can it be called but sinas chinam?
In fact, we can easily see that their punishment was a most classic example of mida keneged mida. The Yiden, at the time, failed to take advantage of what they had, they failed to use the beis hamikdash as a means to genuinely experience Elokus bepshitus, to experience the constant miracles of לא אמר אדם צר לי המקום, of not ever having too little space because one didn’t take up space, because עומדים צפופים ומשתחוים רווחים, then the Eibishter said ‘If you are choosing to be a metzius, then I will take away your tool that enables you to forget about yourself, and you will be stuck with that metzius’.
Correcting the Root of the Problem
And perhaps, too, at this time of the year, when we need to correct this problem, we need to also be focusing on the root of the problem. Because Chazal called our attention not just to the existence of fighting and squabbling, but also on the need to recognize it for what it is, - as sinas chinam. Which calls on us to put into practice the above directive of the Tzemach Tzedek “Zei zich nisht mispashet iber di gantze beis midrash”, don’t make yourself into such a big metzius, and you’ll be forced to reassess whether there really is grounds for your anger and affront.
[An eltere chosid was once farbrenging with a group of bochurim. During the farbrengen, he was telling them off about the fact that, he had noticed, they were lacking in bittul. One of the bochurim present – as bochurim sometimes do – was more intent on making comments (and giving in his own two cents) than on listening to what was being said. However, the eltere chosid paid no attention to him.
At one point, the bochur said to him: “You see, I told you nobody likes me, you also don’t like me, that’s why you’re refusing to answer me”. To which the old chosid retorted: “You’re wrong. It’s not that I don’t like you. Rather, you’re not even a metzius by me. You don’t exist, so there’s nothing for me to like or not like!
(If there’s any of you who remember that farbrengen, who are still reading these emails, send over a hello!)]
And, although for the time being we don’t have a beis hamikdash (may it be rebuilt teikef umiyad mamosh!), we still have the tool to get that sense that our existence is really nothing, and that is the learning of chassidus. The surest antidote against all forms of not getting along, of getting upset and offended by one another, is learning and understanding properly a maamar Chassidus (and if it didn’t work yet, - learn it again learn it some more!) Chassidus helps us understand and know – and in a way that makes sense to our nefesh hasichlis as well, that our nefesh habehamis can also acknowledge it – that the only true existence is the Eibishter, and nothing else is a real metzius.
ואל יוציא אדם עצמו מן הכלל, this applies not only to the skyscrapers in Manhattan and the ski slopes in North Korea, but it means me as well, that the more I understand about דע את אלקי אביך, the less seriously I take myself, and the less of a metzius I make of myself. Which leads to the inevitable conclusion that any discord between one Jew and another, any form of dislike, is – ultimately – sinas chinam!
As we begin the days when we are more focused on the absence of the beis hamikdash and the cause of its’ destruction, let us all take positive steps to eliminate the root causes, by rebuilding the beis hamikdash within each of us. By living in tune with Achdus Havaya, there will be no possibility of being slighted by any actions against us by someone else, which will automatically bring about ahavas and achdus Yisroel, and we pave the way for ברכנו אבינו כולנו כאחד, including – and especially – with the main brocho and most important brocho and most crucial brocho for MOSHIACH NOW!!
L’chaim! May we all do our part to rebuild the beis hamikdash within each of us, living with Elokus bepshitus, and may the Eibishter send down to us the beis hamikdash hashlishi immediately, so that we don’t experience any days of mourning, but, instead, the rejoicing of the greatest yom tov of the revelation of Moshiach Tzidkeinu TUMYM!!!
Rabbi Akiva Wagner
