Question
I am in my seminary year in Israel and my parents are really worried about me. They are real worry warts and the current situation in Israel is not helping. They want me to stay inside my seminary building almost all of the time. I lie to them and tell them that I am inside to reassure them. However, the truth is that I do go out of the building to the Makolet (grocery/convenience store) to get food, supplies and whatever else I want. Am I allowed to lie to my parents under these circumstances?
I think my parents are being unreasonable. My seminary is in Jerusalem and if the fighting was near to us, that would be one thing, but the conflict is in Gaza, fifty miles away.
Answer
It may be difficult to tell if your parents are being unreasonable as it is the tendency of young men and women to see things in this way. You should ask your question to an impartial, responsible adult. If he or she agrees with you that your parents are being unreasonable, you would be allowed to lie in such circumstances, since it puts your parents at peace and avoids causing them pain (Mutar L’Shanos Mipnei HaShalom – One may lie in certain circumstances to maintain the peace). You should, however, take measures to ensure that this does not become habitual.
We find support for lying in certain circumstances to maintain the peace from Hashem Himself who lied to Avrohom about what Sara had said about him (See Bereishis 18:13) to keep the peace between Avrohom and Sara.
Furthermore, when Dovid asked Shaul HaMelech for permission to battle with Golyas, the Midrash Tanchuma (Parshas Emor Siman 4) explains that Shaul agreed to let Dovid fight and clothed Dovid with his royal tunic and weapons. The royal weapons and tunic should have been too big for the younger and smaller Dovid. However, a miracle transpired, and they fit Dovid perfectly. Immediately, Shaul looked at Dovid enviously because he saw this as a sign that Dovid would succeed him as King of Israel. When Dovid noticed that Shaul’s face was white with envy, he downplayed the significance of the miracle, by lying and saying that they were still too heavy for him to fight in and therefore he was not destined to be the king after him.
Rav Chanoch Zundel Ben Yoseph ZT”L, author of the Aitz Yoseph and Anaf Yoseph commentaries, explains that Dovid lied so as not to add to the pain of Shaul and awaken his jealousy. It seems that the possibility of this happening was enough to invoke the dispensation of lying to maintain the peace.
You may also be interested in the ruling of Rav Yisroel Feinhandler in Avnei Yashpeh Vol. VI CM 145:5 who rules in a similar case to the one posed in your question, that lying would be permitted.
