Obsessive Thoughts
Question: What can I answer my friend; he needs advice & does not have a "Rebbe" to guide him. So he talks things out with me from time to time.
He is a nice sweet elderly Chareidi, but his Yetzer Hara is to imagine "tearing people apart". Not necessarily anyone in particular. And this is completely opposite the way he talks and the way he acts. And he wants to stop it. He knows it's wrong, but he says it "calms him".
He feels very guilty because he wants a "clean mind”, and he loses time (which is life), which he would prefer to use to try to be closer to Hashem.
Thank you in advance.
And I am davening for a complete Refua Shleima for Refoel Moshe Chaim ben Chana, amongst all Klal Yisroel.
Answer: Reassure him by telling him that he can do it in small stages. And by telling him:
לֹא עָלֶיךָ הַמְּלָאכָה לִגְּמוֹר You are not responsible to “get it all done”. It seems that this person wants to change. If his friend (i.e., you) can be a “nudnik”, and encourage him every day to make one small step in the right direction; then that’s all he needs. Once a day, for 30 days, he should do a Pe’ula (action) against his Ratzon, and after 30 days “he will be playing with a new deck of cards”. Keep encouraging him, don’t let up; THAT’S a good friend. Guide him. He WANTS to change. And only SMALL steps. Forget about correcting all of his other issues. Just make sure that EVERY DAY he does ONE small Pe'ula against his Ratzon, and with time, he will be a new person.
And he needs to have a nudnik, because he’s not going to do anything without a nudnik. You’ve got to be the nudge, because otherwise people don’t do things. They may talk about it, but nothing ever happens. So you will be the nudnik, and do it for 30 days. If you do it for 60 days, you can change him completely.
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