The halacha is that the Korban Pesach (Paschal Offering) needs to be eaten “b’chaburah” (in groups). If two different chaburahs are eating in proximity—even in the same room—no individual is allowed to leave his chaburah and go to the other chaburah. They are certainly not allowed to leave the room and go to another room to join another chaburah.
The Mishna (Pesachim 86a) states that if two groups are eating in one room, one group sitting at one table and the other group sitting at another table, they may not even face one another. Each group must face only the people in their own group. The halacha is that if in fact they do turn around and face the other group, they are no longer allowed to eat the Korban Pesach. That is considered “eating in two different groups,” which is a Biblical prohibition.
The Mishna allows only one exception to this rule: A bride may turn away and eat. The Rambam in fact codifies this law (Hilchos Korban Pesach 9:3-4). The Gemara explains the reason for this leniency (which is also mentioned by the Rambam). It is because the kallah during the first thirty days after her marriage is shy. During the first month after her marriage, she is particularly self-conscious, and she thinks people are staring at her.
Consider the following: On the night of the Seder, Leil Pesach, everyone is on a different level. We all know the importance of the mitzvos. Unfortunately, today we do not have the Korban Pesach, but we still have a certain seriousness and focus regarding our matzah, marror, and daled kosos. We focus on properly fulfilling these mitzvos of the evening. We can only imagine what an elevated state people were in during the time of the Beis HaMikdash, when everyone had a Korban Pesach at their table as well.
Do we really think that at such a moment people would be staring at a kallah to see how she looks or how she eats? The answer is no! So why did the kallah think that? It was a figment of her imagination. She is embarrassed because she THINKS people are looking at her. In reality, nobody is staring at her while they are eating the Korban Pesach!
Do we need to accommodate this figment of her imagination and let her transgress that which would otherwise be a Biblical prohibition? Apparently, yes! Apparently, we acquiesce to her meshugas (foolishness). Why is that so? What is the lesson?
The lesson is sensitivity. We need to account for a person’s sensitivity, even though it may be based on a figment of their imagination. If we need to be so careful and sensitive when there is really nothing there, how much more so must we be careful and sensitive when people ARE justifiably sensitive about certain things.
This is an amazing insight. We let the kallah do something that under normal circumstances should disqualify her from eating the Korban Pesach, simply because of her embarrassment regarding a non-existent phenomenon.
This is a tremendous lesson in sensitivity. How sensitive must we be to a person’s feelings, even when those feelings are not based on reality. How much more so is the case when we know that people are in pain, for example, widows, orphans, or divorcees. These are classic examples of people who are in pain. These are realities of life. People who are in pain or sick or beaten down are very sensitive. If we must be sensitive to a kallah by the Korban Pesach, al achas kamah v’kamah, we must be sensitive to people whose embarrassment is based on fact and not just fiction.
