Question:
I am a first-grade mechaneches, and I have learned a therapy approach for improving children’s social skills. In the course of the school year, I make “social surveys” in which I ask each girl in the class to state who are the three classmates she likes best, and who are the three she likes least. Based on the results, I learn about each girl’s social situation, identify girls in the class who are “transparent,” and try to use my professional tools to help them. It occurred to me: Could there be a halachic problem with asking girls to tell me the names of girls they don’t like or don’t get along with?
Answer:
Since the purpose is to help the students change themselves and get along better in their social circle, the teacher is permitted to ask these questions, and it is all considered l'to'eles, especially since we’re speaking about little girls, and mentioning their flaws is not always prohibited. However, before asking, the teacher should first explain to the students that even though we have to be very careful to avoid lashon hara, in this case, since the questions are l'to’eles - so that the teacher will be able to help the girls, the halachah permits her to ask, and them to answer. This introduction is an obligatory condition for allowing such discussions, as the Chofetz Chaim wrote (LHR 4:10-11).
