Parshat Mikeitz
Yichud is an area of halachah some people observe scrupulously and some—otherwise careful Jews—seem not to pay much attention, with gradations in between. Even HaEzer 22 gives us the basics of those laws; I hope this summary will help us consider how we might want to adjust or rejuvenate our engagement with this area of halachah.
Sexual Desire Can Arise Where We Wouldn’t Think
AH opens the siman with a reminder of the underlying reason for the prohibition, the Torah (and Chazal’s) worry that sexual desire can appear where we would not expect it, suddenly, and lead to extremely serious sins. [Remember that volating arayot, sexual sins, is on par with murder and worshipping a power other than Hashem, in that a man must be killed rather than transgress in such a way.] Two people who would be committing arayot should they have sexual relations may also not be alone together in a place where such relations could occur.
[Allow me to say it clearly: the Torah and halachah think that pretty much any man and woman (with only a few exceptions, see below), given the right circumstances, can find themselves strongly enough attracted to each other for a sexual act to ensue. I stress it because of Western society’s unfounded confidence that people only engage in sex acts if they decide to rationally and ahead of time, despite their living in a highly sexualized and permissive society.
Halachah disagrees. Halachah says when the urge arises, even the strongest can find themselves irresistibly tempted, and the solution lies in making sure we not find ourselves in the situation. Although he was much mocked for it—and halachah might not require it even of Jews—Mike Pence’s personal rule not to interact, even for a business lunch, with just one woman other than his wife at least takes seriously the question of how we make sure the disaster of an arayot act not occur. As opposed to American society, for example, where surveys suggest as many as one fifth of married men and women have had affairs.]
Who Is Included
While adultery is the easiest example, yichud applies to all arayot, even ones we today assume would never turn into a sexual situation (a man with an aunt or a father’s ex-wife, for example).
Since I’m trying to track the sourcing of halachot in our discussions, I digress to note that AH calls the prohibition Biblical, as does the Gemara; however, the statement it then cites (R. Yochanan in the name of R. Yishma’el in Kiddushin 80b, but R. Shim’on b. Yehotzadak in Sanhedrin 21b) offers a remez, usually a hint or an allusion (the actual derivation, from Devarim 13;7, is too winding to summarize here; the case there is one Jew luring another to worship a power other than Hashem, but the Torah refers to ba-seter, their being secluded). Traditions seems to have assumed the Gemara meant min haTorah, Biblical rule, literally, despite also saying it was a hint.
In some cases, halachah concedes the likelihood of sexual wrongs is low enough to relieve concerns about yichud. A parent with his/her child is one, Sanhedrin 103b tells us, and in se’if two, AH notes a Yerushalmi that disallows opposite-gender siblings living together. Chelkat Mechokek held they were not prohibited from occasional yichud, just could not regularly live alone together, while Beit Shemuel thought it better to be stringent.
[I have seen the rule on siblings ignored more than once, usually by elderly siblings; perhaps they think the combination of their relationship, where sexuality is unusual, and age, which dulls desire, exempts them from the yichud issue.]
Husbands and Wives
