Yaakov Avinu said to his children (43:14) ִׁישָאה ְנֵילִפ ִיםֲמַחר ֶםָכל ֵּןיִת ַּי"ַדׁש ל"ֵוְא, "May Hashem give you rachmanus before the man." As we know, ִׁישָאה "the man" is Yosef, the ruler of Mitzrayim (but at the time, Yaakov and his children didn't know that). This "man" had arrested Shimon and refused to see the other brothers again before they brought their younger brother Binyamin to Mitzrayim. When they ran out of food and had to return to Mitzrayim with Binyamin, Yaakov davened for them ִׁישָאה ְנֵילִפ ִיםֲמַחר ֶםָכל ֵּןיִת, that Hashem give them rachamim before the man.
There seems to be a problem in the grammar of the words ִיםֲמַחר ֶםָכל. A more accurate expression, it seems, would be עליכם רחמים , that the leader of Mitzrayim should have rachmanus on you. As it is written, Yaakov said that Hashem should place into your hearts the attribute of compassion, that they should have mercy on others.
Reb Shlomo Kluger (Imrei Shefer, Mikeitz) answers that Yaakov was davening that his sons should comport themselves with the attribute of rachmanus, that they should have rachmanus on others. This is because when you have rachmanus on others, Hashem has rachmanus on you. As the Gemara (Shabbos 151:) states, הבריות על המרחם כל השמים מן עליו מרחמים , "Whoever has rachmanus on others, he receives rachmanus from heaven." Yaakov saw that the leader of Mitzrayim took Shimon, and now was asking for Binyamin, and he was giving his family a tough time. He davened that Hashem should give his children opportunities to have rachmanus on others so Heaven will have rachmanus on them.
1. I know of two chashuve yungerleit from Elad who are chavrusos for learning chassidishe sefarim. One of them was childless, eight years after his wedding. The other had daughters, baruch Hashem, but was praying for a son, as well. Some years ago, on parashas Mikeitz, they were learning together and came across this piece in the Arvei Nachal, which teaches that when one has rachmanus on others, this arouses Hashem's rachmanus. They both made a kabbalah to put this counsel into practice. Wondrously, on tzom Gedalyah, the following year, both made a bris for the sons that were born to them. The brissim were on the same day, and they attribute this miracle to their following and practicing the lesson of the Arvei Nachal.
Yaakov requested that they should have rachmanus on others ִׁישָאה ְנֵילִפ before they go to this man. Because then Hashem will have rachmanus on them and save them.
This is an excellent counsel to attain Hashem's compassion. Have rachmanus on others, care for others, see how you can help others, and midah kneged midah, this arouses above that Hashem will have rachmanus on you.
The Arvei Nachal (Mikeitz, ואמנם ה"ד 'א דרוש) writes this counsel, quoting the Alshich HaKadosh. "When two people befriend one another with love and with a complete heart, doing favors for one another, there is so much love between them that they are only interested in helping their fellow man, and they aren't thinking about their own needs, this draws down this attitude from Hashem yisbarach. Keviyachol, Hashem turns away from His occupations and solely thinks about how He can help these two people. For it is known from Chazal צלך 'ה, 'Hashem is your shadow' (Tehillim 121:5). A shadow imitates a person's action, and as they are focusing on helping their fellow man, Hashem will do the same and act compassionately with them.
"However, when there is no love between people – albeit there is no hatred, either – since each person is only thinking about himself and doesn't think about the good of his fellow man, Hashem yisbarach also doesn't think about how to help them, chas veshalom.
Therefore, whenever a person is in a tzarah, chalilah, it will be good for him to have a friend he loves with all his heart, or more than one friend... Hashem will act in the same way. He will turn away from all that He does, and solely think about how he can give kindness to him, and he will be saved from all troubles."
The Gemara (Shabbos 33:) tells us that when Reb Shimon bar Yochai left his cave, he said, "Since a miracle happened to me, I will fix something." He asked his fellow men what needed to be rectified, and they told him about a struggle that the kohanim in Teveria were dealing with. The marketplace was situated on an essential road in Teveria, but kohanim couldn't pass through because there were graves on this road, and the people didn't know exactly where they were. Since Kohanim may not become tamei, they had to make significant detours, which was inconvenient. With his wisdom, Reb Shimon identified all the graves in the marketplace of Teveria, and from then on, the kohanim were able to live in Teveria without dealing with this issue.
Ben Yehoyada on this Gemara teaches: "Chazal tell us that when a miracle happens to a person, he loses some of his mitzvos. It is like he pays for the miracle with the mitzvos he performed. But there is a way a tzaddik can avoid this payment. The Ben Yehoyada writes, "It depends on one matter: If this tzaddik does charity and lovingkindness to others without gaining anything in return, Hakadosh Baruch Hu will repay him, measure for measure. Hakadosh Baruch Hu will perform miracles for him as a charity, without asking for anything in return."
Once, a woman came to Reb Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt'l, complaining bitterly that she didn’t have children. Reb Shlomo Zalman replied, "Hakadosh Baruch Hu owes you anything? Be grateful that you are alive and healthy. Why do you carry complaints against Hashem?"
Deflated, she turned to leave the room. Reb Shlomo Zalman immediately said, "Listen carefully to what I tell you. Hashem doesn't owe you anything, but if you do favors for others, Hashem will do favors for you. If you do chesed, something you aren't obligated to do, Hashem will act with you midah kneged midah, and He will do kindness with you, even if He isn't obligated to do so, and you can merit children."
The woman began volunteering at the Shaarei Tzedek Hospital in Yerushalayim to help the ill. A year later, she had a daughter. (We heard this story from Reb A.Y. Leizerson z'l, a close relative of Reb Shlomo Zalman Auerbach.)
Many people who heard this story did the same. When they needed salvation, they sought to perform kindness, something that they weren't obligated to do. One example of this is a kidney donation – and Hashem performed kindness with them, midah kneged midah, a kindness that keviyachol Hakadosh Baruch Hu didn't owe and wasn't obligated to do.
We have learned in this section that Hashem is our shadow; he acts with us according to how we act: (1) If we have mercy and compassion on others, Hashem will have compassion on us. (2) If we do kindness to others without gain, Hashem will do kindness with us without deducting from our merits. (3) If we do kindness to others, Hashem will do kindness with us, giving us what He isn’t obligated to provide.
