It’s Human Nature to Become Distracted by the Small Things
We Feel and Live Our Smallness
When we speak about the topic of התבוננות, meditation, we must note that human nature is to focus very strongly on the small details of life, often neglecting to look at the big picture.
We see this often throughout our entire lives: People tend to get bogged down by the smallest of details, not seeing the bigger picture.
The Mechutan Remembers Only the Small Flops of the Wedding Night
This comes out in so many different ways and life situations. Let us take, for example, that when a Yid married off his child, the electricity blew in the middle of the wedding, and the music went silent three times. When you’ll ask this person how the wedding was, he’ll probably say, “It was a beautiful wedding, but....”
Certainly, if the electricity in the entire hall crashed multiple times that evening, it would definitely be front and center for this mechutan.
The Bachur Who Wakes Up Late
Let’s take another example. Imagine a bachur who has good middos, he’s a yerei Shamayim, he has derech eretz, he does his best to learn... but he has difficulty waking up on time. In most cases, his parents as well as the mashgiach in yeshivah will be preoccupied with this boy’s morning habits. There will be a strident to-do regarding this issue.
The Small Details Destroy Our Serenity
The same applies to more serious situations that are truly more difficult to swallow. For example, a child was born and is healthy and hearty in every way—except for one thing: he’s missing a finger, R”l, or something similar. Usually, the parents will be completely broken by this. But why don’t they look at the big picture... the child is otherwise healthy!
This is how our minds work: We feel and focus on the small picture. And no, we’re not talking here about the issue of people being perfectionists, expecting everything to be flawless. And no, we’re also not discussing the issue of accepting everything with joy and not being downcast. We’re simply observing the fact that we tend to focus on the small things, and we’re preoccupied with them—while neglecting to look at the bigger picture. Why it is this way is a separate question, but that is the reality.
The Heart Influences the Mind
A Yid purchased a Gemara and brought it to shul, where someone accidentally spilled a cup of coffee all over a blatt of his brand-new Gemara. And now he’s very annoyed. But why?! Look at the entire picture! You’re alive. You have a family. You have parnassah. Why are you fixated on this small detail?!
The answer is that when something pains our hearts, it influences our minds to focus only on this thing. Because the mind is excited by what the heart feels. And because the heart is now pained by this event, we feel only this small detail that just happened to us and we forget about everything else.
When We’re in Pain, We See Nothing But the Current Situation
If something lies on our hearts, it will influence our minds to think only about that. This is how Hashem arranged the nature of humans: the heart takes over the entire person. The person becomes totally influenced by what the heart feels, and if his heart feels something, he will be preoccupied with it—despite all the much more important things in his life.
The reality is that the small things irk one’s heart, and therefore it takes over the entire person—so much so that he forgets about the bigger things in his life.
A little boy missed the bus to yeshivah, and his father now needs to find him a ride. He tried eight people, and none of them agreed to take the boy. He tried calling a car service, but there were no cars available. He’s losing his mind, and he thinks, “When people need favors, they know where to find me... but when I need a small favor, they’re nowhere to be found.” He’s angry and upset—to the extent that later, when the matter has been taken care of, he’s embarrassed by his reaction.
What’s the peshat? Why did he lose himself so? Because in the moment, he felt the pain so keenly that it took him over completely. Everything else faded into the distance. He didn’t see anything aside from this event.
This doesn’t necessarily emanate from a foolish mindset. Often, it’s very understandable. Let’s say that someone fell and really hurt himself badly. He’s sitting on the floor, and he’s hurting everywhere. Can we really come to him and say, “Listen, everything else in your life is going swimmingly... Why are you sighing and complaining?” He’s in pain right now. It’s true that it’s only a small part of his life. But right now, he’s now experiencing pain, and it takes him over. He can’t look at the big picture now.
