And that brings us to the great statement of the Chovos Halevavos. The Chovos Halevavos puts down the following principle and it's very important for us to study that. It will be very useful in life so pay good attention now.
He says that sometimes unexpected things happen to us, all kinds of unexpected things. And they’re not accidents. It’s a system that Hashem follows with man in this world – the system of surprises, of the unexpected. It’s one of Hashem’s methods of refining us in this world; one of the ways we acquire a lev basar.
You know, a person can refine himself by studying mussar seforim. If a person takes the Chovos Halevavos and learns the Shaar Habitachon there’s no question that it’s going to redound to his benefit. The ideas begin to percolate in his mind and he becomes a different person. No question about that.
But it’s not easy. It takes work. You have to study the words again and again. And even when you do that, it doesn’t always enter into your bones; it doesn’t always go into your kishkes. Even if you learn a good mussar seder, it takes work for it to seep in; to make your heart of stone into a heart of flesh.
Street Smarts
Hakadosh Baruch Hu is on the job however. He won’t let you remain a nothing and so He gives you opportunities; He plans surprises that are intended to wake you up from your stony stupor. And one of them, the Chovos Halevavos says, is unexpected bad news chalilah, unexpected misfortunes.
Here is a man, a stockbroker and he's flourishing. Things are going well. He has customers. He has many friends. And he's dreaming now of a big fortune because he sees how it's piling up. All of a sudden there's a crash, and he's wiped out. Not only he lost all of his money but he lost his job too. Nobody is buying any stocks.
Now this man was a sporty fellow. He was cocky, secure in his situation. He was sitting on top of the world and now suddenly he’s upended. He can't even pay his rent. A true story. He can't even pay his rent. He's sitting now on a dung heap. He's ruined.
A Life of Disappointments
That's one kind of sudden surprise, the Chovos Halevavos says, and it happens to everyone. Not like that, hopefully; not as drastic as that, but Hashem sends disappointments to everyone. Not they happen – they’re being sent. It’s a system that Hashem follows in order that you should learn the great lesson that He is in full charge of all the affairs of your life; that you are not the one who is the author of your fate.
And it hurts sometimes; it’s no fun to have your plans go awry. But that’s the purpose, so that the mind of a person should be stirred into motion. He should be stimulated into thinking, “What is going on here?!” Otherwise, you’d never think.
So although you made a certain arrangement and you hoped that it would turn out a certain way, Hakadosh Baruch Hu sometimes does you a favor and He upends your plans. He’s teaching you a very valuable lesson, the lesson that “I am the Melech. I am the King. I am in charge, not you. And so, don’t rely on your plans. Don’t rely on other people. Don’t rely on other things. Whatever you do – and you must do – remember that it’s all Me!”
It’s worth good money, that lesson, and Hashem is not charging you for it, so you should be happy. You thought that you’re the one running the show here, that you’re the macher here. So Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, “No, no. Forget about that. I’m the only Macher around!” He’s softening your heart just like He did to Yosef Hatzaddik.
Bitachon in Manhattan
Here’s a man; he has to go to a specialist. He’s a big doctor and you had to make the appointment months in advance. And then when the day comes, you have to take the day off from work and your boss is not so happy about that. You took off for chol hamoed and this and that. But what can you do already? It has to be done and you’ve been waiting a long time for this appointment.
So you get into a taxi and make the trip to Manhattan. And when you get to the office the secretary sitting behind the desk tells you – without even looking up she tells you that the doctor had an emergency and won’t be coming today. “You’ll have to go home and call the office tomorrow to reschedule,” she tells you.
Oh, are you disappointed! All your plans, all of your preparations for nothing.
No, it’s not for nothing! It’s a great opportunity that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is giving you. Why did Hakadosh Baruch Hu make this whole story? In order to remove your leiv ha’even and teach you the great lesson that when you make plans, when you do anything, don’t rely on anything. It’s only Him! Nobody else!
Imitating Yosef Hatzaddik
So as you walk away from the secretary’s desk, instead of that disappointment and anger – a man told me this story; he said he wanted to strangle the secretary – instead of foolish and stupid thoughts like that, you remind yourself that this is a great opportunity.
It’s your great opportunity to think about what Yosef thought about for two years. “What was I thinking, just going through the motions, without always remembering that it’s not the sar hamashkim, it’s not the doctor in Manhattan; it’s only Hakadosh Baruch Hu.” Of course you have to ask the sar hamashkim for help, and of course you have to find the best specialist but what are you thinking in your head – that you need Hashem for everything – that’s what matters most.
And a person can do this tens of times every day. Many tens of times each week. Because there are always things that don’t go exactly as you expected and every small disappointment is the opportunity for learning this lesson of bitachon again; the lesson that Hashem is the Boss and that He’s the One. To think like Yosef did: “Why did Hashem disappoint me? To teach me this important lesson that I have to rely on Hashem and that He is everything.”
A Big Little Bit
It doesn’t mean that it’s easy. It’s not always easy to respond in the right way because actually you are disappointed. And now you have to take your natural emotions and accord them with your intellect, with the principle we’re talking about now, that this disappointment is the plan of Hashem to teach you bitachon. It’s not easy.
But the answer is he should continue to utilize the opportunity and knock it into his head again and again that this was one of the purposes of his disappointment, to teach him reliance on Hashem. Because he’ll never think about it again otherwise. It could be he’ll read about it sometimes in a sefer or he’ll hear a darshan speak about it but his heart is still quite stony. Only now that he lost some money or he missed his ride, it’s an opportunity to soften his heart.
So even though the hurt of disappointment might rankle in his mind, the lesson can be learned anyhow. He can bring home to himself again and again the thought, “This is an opportunity for me. I can acquire bitachon just because of my disappointment.”
It doesn’t mean you’re going to sing and dance because you lost money. It’s unnatural. But if a little bit of bitachon will enter your awareness – “Maybe I should grow in bitachon because of this,” – then you are already successful. If you already say, “maybe” then you already have achieved something big. A little bit you learned that only He is the Author of your fate, and a little bit of bitachon is something big.
Better Surprises
Now, even though we’re talking tonight about disappointments – that’s the story with Yosef after all – there’s another type of surprise that happens to people.
You know, when I was a youngster I once picked up a book of Ripley's Believe It or Not and I want to tell you something I read there because it's a true story and it explains perfectly what I want to tell you. It’s about two people who died in one day because of the same story but for opposite reasons.
There was once a wealthy man in Paris and one day his accountant came to him with a long face: “I have terrible news to tell you” he said. “Your finances have been shipwrecked, and from all of your millions you only have 100,000 francs left.” When the man heard that news he was seized by a heart attack and he died immediately. 100,000 francs? Do you know what that means? He's a pauper now. He died on the spot from disappointment.
Well, immediately his lawyer looked in his papers and found his will. This man had no heirs except one relative, a very poor nephew. The nephew was mammish a beggar, a shiftless fellow with no source of income. He didn't know where the next meal would come from.
So they sent a messenger quickly to tell the nephew that he inherited 100,000 francs. When he heard the good news he had a heart attack and he died. That's on the authority of Ripley – believe it or not.
Soft Hearts, Not Heart Attacks
So here we have sudden surprises of different kinds. One is a great misfortune and one is a great success. And listen to the words of this great man, the Chovos Halevavos; he's our great rebbi and we have to listen to him. He says that both surprises have one purpose and the purpose is not to give heart attacks but to give you a leiv basar; to soften your heart and teach you that your affairs are not under your own control; that it's Hakadosh Baruch Hu and not you Who’s running the show.
Whether you’re the rich uncle or the poor nephew, whether the surprise was disappointment or happiness, that’s one of the purposes, so that you’ll acquire a soft heart.
The Surprise Shidduch
You know it happens to everybody sudden good news. I look back on my little life, a lot of times sudden good news came to me, a surprise. I remember when I wanted a shidduch for my daughter and I was sending to shadchanim everywhere but nobody was answering. I was trying but nothing. All of a sudden, a beautiful shidduch comes up from an unexpected corner. A Rosh Yeshiva called me up himself and offered me one of his best boys. I was afraid he was going to ask me for money, a tremendous amount of money. He called me up another time after they were married about something else. And when my wife heard he was on the phone, that he was calling us, she was afraid that he was going to ask for money.
So I was looking in one direction and it came from an entirely different direction. That’s an opportunity! The surprise of happiness! Don’t let it go lost! Everybody has good surprises in his life and you have to make use of that. Don't let it go by because it’s given for that purpose, so that you should sit on it. You should suck out all of the bitachon you can from it; study it and remind yourself about Who is the Author of your fate. “Look, I didn't even aim for it, but He was aiming and that’s what matters.”
That's how life is – all types of unexpected surprises come our way – and we have to make use of all of them because we’re here in this world to soften up our hearts, to learn the lesson of bitachon. And like Yosef we’re expected to use both the disappointments and the successes to remind ourselves of Who’s really in control of our lives.
Have a Wonderful Shabbos
