When you realize that this nasty upstart is just a “baby”, and give him a chance to grow up, then you stop hating and you start understanding a person. You can even love him, because you aren’t intimidated by his base actions. Notice how although the Torah calls Yosef a: נַ עַ ר young man (וְהוּא נַעַר אֶת בְנֵי בִלְהָה) yet Reuven calls him a: יֶלֶד child (הַיֶלֶד אֵינֶנּוּ לז ל) i.e., he’s just a child!
And Yehuda says: אָחִינוּ בְשָרֵנוּ הוּא לז כז he is our brother and flesh, and he repeats: אָחִינוּ our brother to rub it in; this is our own flesh! How much less Sin’as Chinam there would be, if people would remind themselves that this “weird nasty person” is still a Yid, and you and him are one piece of the same: בָ שָ ר flesh! I know a Yungerman who has a wife that yells at him. It doesn’t bother him, because he realizes that a wife is a continuation of caricature of the same Middos as the husband, since: וְהָיוּ לְבָשָר אֶחָד בראשית ב כד they are one flesh!
“She’s the same as I am, so let’s not get upset!” In battling Kin'ah, which dominates most normal people, there are many Eitzos (solutions). The Chovos Halvavos says that any good fortune that a person has, requires him to serve Hashem much more and be much more thankful. Tzaddikim would be scared when things in their lives improved!
The big Mutzlach that you envy has tremendous heavy-weight responsibilities to Hashem that you don’t have! So stop being jealous; be Sameach B'chelko. It’s better in you low key Matzav. Also, the Alter of Novardok Zatzal says that only a: שָ פֵ ל Shafel has Kin'ah (a Baal Ga’ava is M'vatel people). Boost up your self-esteem, and no more Kin'ah!
