In this week’s parshah we learn that if an item that a person was looking after for someone is stolen and not recovered, the person who was looking after the item is obligated to swear that he wasn’t the one to perpetrate the crime. The wording of the passuk regarding this is: “Venikrav baal-habayis el-ha’elohim im-lo shalach yado bim’leches rei’eihu—the homeowner shall approach the judges [to swear] that he has not laid his hand upon his neighbor’s property.”
The Rebbe R’ Meir Premishlaner ztz”l uses this passuk to reveal a fundamental insight in avodas Hashem. He explains: “Venikrav baal-habayis—even a baal-habayis, a poshute Yid, can become close el-ha’Elokim—to Hashem, im-lo shalach yado bim’leches rei’eihu—as long as he takes care not to harm his fellow man.”
Aside from the simple meaning of his words, R’ Meir is perhaps also telling us that Hashem allows each and every Jew to achieve deveikus according to his abilities. Why should that be? After all, Hashem gave us an entire Torah with many mitzvos, none of which are optional — and yet here he seems to be saying that deveikus can be achieved even if a person only does what he can and is careful about what’s truly important. However, the Gemara tells us that Hashem does not wish to impose great hardships on His creations. Knowing our natures and the nisyonos we face, He takes it all into consideration and allows us to please Him based on our capabilities.
If Hashem can be so considerate of us, despite the fact that we owe Him everything and are obligated to serve Him, how much more so must we make allowances for other people who don’t owe us anything compared to what we owe Hashem. Although we cannot know conclusively what others are capable of doing and what not, we should give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that if something is truly very hard for them to do, perhaps they are not actually required to do it perfectly (even though they should still try to do their best).
This is an issue that often comes up between spouses, when one very much wants the other to do something and the other seemingly just cannot comply. Accepting other people’s limitations applies very much then, just as it does in our interactions with our children, especially as we are explicitly told, “Chanoch le’naar al pi darko,” to educate each child according to his nature. It’s important to recognize when what we want is beyond a person’s capabilities, and to refrain from making requests that they might have real difficulty fulfilling.
When we accept that others are just as limited as we are, we’ll find it easier to make allowances, to be satisfied with less than perfection, and to make each other much happier.
