1. Moishe the Talking Parrot
Aaron came back from the pet store elated at his new purchase -- a parrot. And this wasn't just any parrot, this one could talk.
Aaron stayed up all night teaching his new parrot, Moishe, Hebrew. The next morning, while Aaron was putting on his tefillin, Moishe the parrot demanded to know what he was doing. When Aaron explained, the parrot wanted a pair too. Aaron went out and dutifully made a miniature set of tefillin for Moishe.
The parrot wanted to learn how to daven and Aaron taught him every prayer. He wanted to learn more about Judaism so Aaron spent months teaching him Torah. In time, Aaron came to love and count on the parrot as a friend and a fellow Jew.
One morning, on Rosh Hashanah, Aaron rose and got dressed and was about to leave when Moishe demanded to go with him. Aaron explained that shul was not place for a bird but the parrot insisted and was carried to shul on Aaron's shoulder.
Needless to say, they made quite a spectacle, and Aaron was questioned by everyone, including the Rabbi and Cantor. They refused to allow a bird into the building on the High Holy Days but Aaron convinced them to let him in this one time, swearing that parrot could daven.
Wagers were made with Aaron. Thousands of dollars were bet (even odds) that the parrot could not daven, could not speak Hebrew and knew nothing about Judaism. All eyes were on the African Grey during services.
The parrot perched on Aaron's shoulder as one prayer and song passed -- Aaron heard not a peep from the bird.
He began to get annoyed, slapping at his shoulder and mumbling under his breath, "Moishe! Daven!" Nothing. "Daven! Come on, everybody's looking at you!" Nothing. After Rosh Hashanah services were concluded, Aaron found that he owed his shul buddies and the Rabbi over $4,000. He marched home, extremely angry, saying nothing. Finally several blocks from the shul the bird began to sing "Avinu Malkeinu" at the top of his lungs.
Aaron stopped and looked at him. "You miserable bird, you cost me over $4,000. Why? After I made your tefillin and taught you how to daven and learned Torah with you. Why did you do this to me?"
"Don't be silly," Moishe replied. "Think of the odds on Yom Kippur."
2. The Dog and the Bird
Old Mrs. Shpeilman lived alone except for her dog and her bird. One day, Mrs. Shpeilman’s dishwasher stopped working so she called a repairman. Since she had to spend the day at her daughter’s house the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Shpeilman’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest-looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling and name calling. Finally, the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
3. The Dog Ate Moishie’s Homework
"Moishie, where's your homework?" Miss Feinman said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.
"Moishie, I've been a teacher in this Talmud Torah for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"
