The opening pasuk in this week's parsha talks about the eved Ivri, one who was sold as a slave because he stole and didn’t have money to pay back. The Torah is very stringent regarding how a master must treat his eved Ivri, his Jewish slave. If there is only one pillow in the house, he must give it to the slave. If there is only enough food for one meal, he must give it to the slave. And if there is only one bed in the house, the master must sleep on the floor! This is certainly not the kind of slavery we are accustomed to reading about. In fact, if the master hits his slave and injures him in any way, the slave immediately goes free!
There is a rule in the Torah (Baba Metzia 62.) that "chayecha kodmin"- that your life comes first. If that’s the case, why if there is only one pillow does the slave get it? Also, why must we be so kind to this eved Ivri? After all – he was a thief! He stole and didn’t have money to pay back. Why are we treating him so nicely?
Rav Mordechai Druk brings down in sefer Aish Tamid the following story: Rav Yehoshua Leib Diskin was once travelling in middle of the night when a storm forced him to seek shelter. He found a Jewish inn and knocked on the door, but nobody answered. Finally, after a while, the annoyed innkeeper opened the door and R' Yehoshua Leib explained his predicament, requesting a place to stay for the night. The innkeeper was angry and didn't want to accommodate this stranger, as he was expecting "choshuva" company shortly, but at last agreed to allow him a corner on the floor.
Suddenly, a whole entourage along with a Rebbe arrived at this person’s inn and the Rebbe recognized Rav Yehoshua Leib, lying on the floor! The Rebbe was of course horrified, and soon enough the innkeeper found out who it was that he refused to accommodate. He was mortified and begged forgiveness. But Rav Yehoshua Leib said he would only forgive the innkeeper on condition that he come to Brisk and be his guest for a few days. And so it was. The innkeeper came to the home of R' Yehoshua Leib and was accorded royal treatment. R' Yehoshua Leib insisted on serving his guest on his own; he didn't allow anyone else to take care of his guest. He wined and dined him, caring for him with all his heart. Soon this yid was ready to return home, having learned a magnificent lesson that would stay with him forever. And of course, he became a true machnis orayach, having learned firsthand what it means to host a guest.
We learn from this story that when you wish to be mechanech, it’s best accomplished by example. Rav Yehoshua Leib could’ve yelled at the innkeeper and lectured him, but that is not the way things get accomplished. By treating him royally, the innkeeper got the best mussar ever and truly learned what it means to do hachnosas orchim.
With this, we can understand why the Torah commands us to treat the eved Ivri in such a kind manner. We are trying to teach this thief a lesson, to rehabilitate him. By forcing the master to treat him royally, we are giving him self-respect, teaching him kindness, and lifting him up so that he has a new self-identity. By the time the eved Ivri goes free, he is a new man.
Contrast this with the secular world. If a person steals, he is sent to prison in the hope that he will learn a lesson. But does he? No. When a thief is sent to prison, not only doesn't he learn to be better, but on the contrary, he becomes worse. In prison, he is given the opportunity to meet crooks that are even worse than he was, and they teach him the tricks of trade. By the time he leaves, he is truly dangerous, having sunken to new levels of wickedness.
We may not have an eved Ivri today, but the wisdom of the Torah is ever so relevant. We all have those that we want to teach, be it a child, student, or a fellow adult in your life that needs a good lesson. How will you go about it? To be mechanech based on your feelings is a recipe for disaster. You need to overcome your negiyus and teach not by preaching, but by example. To be honest, it isn't easy, but this is the true way to teach someone a lesson.
One Friday night in Yeshivas Ohr Yisroel in Petach Tikva, many talmidim went into the kitchen and took cholent that was for Shabbos day. When the Rosh Hayeshiva heard about it he called over the bachurim. They thought they were going to get yelled at. However, the rosh yeshiva didn’t yell at them. "Bachurim, I didn’t know you were so hungry Friday night. If I knew, I would have told the cook to cook another pot of cholent..." This is how you give mussar. You can be sure that the talmidim never did it again, and their reverence for their rosh yeshiva only grew.
Rav Yaakov Kaminetzky says that the word “mashpia” – influence - comes from the word “meshupa” – slanted, because that’s how influence works. If one is passionate about something, it can flow down onto others. And it doesn't work by preaching. It works by setting an example, a passionate example, that others see, respect, and wish to follow.
