In this week’s parshah, Bnei Yisrael are presented with the Torah and declare, “Na’aseh venishma—We will do and we will listen!” The Chiddushei Harim ztz”l asks why the Torah uses the plural “we” will do and listen, when each person responded individually. He explains that the Torah appeared to Bnei Yisrael as so wonderful and sweet that those who were being offered it wanted to take it not only for themselves but also for everyone else — no one should be deprived of such an amazing gift.
Wanting to share something good is natural and it’s certainly a mitzvah to give others the gifts of wisdom, understanding, the secrets of how to build good relationships... as long as one knows when to give and when to refrain from giving. Even if — and sometimes especially if — our intentions are positive, we have to take into account not only the giving but also the receiving. If the person we want to benefit is simply not ready or willing to accept what we are offering, the gift will not only not help them but can even harm them — and us.
This consideration is particularly applicable when it comes to close relationships, when the emotional involvement is so intense that sometimes the best way to demonstrate love is by holding back. Of course we should always do whatever we can to help our loved ones, but it’s important to remember that sometimes “doing” is best expressed by “doing nothing.” It takes good judgment to know when to refrain from saying or doing something, and it’s often preferable to err on the side of caution. At the very least, take the time to ensure that your saying or doing something will help before jumping into action, because very often, there’s no way to retract if the something goes horribly wrong.
