“If you see the donkey of someone you hate crouching under its burden, and you might refrain from helping him, you shall surely help him.”
The language seems superfluous. Why was it necessary to discuss the possible thought that you may not wish to help your enemy, “and you might refrain from helping him,” rather than stating the law succinctly: “If you see the donkey of someone you hate crouching under its burden, you shall surely help him.”?
The answer is simple. The Bible is making a point of acknowledging the instinct to refrain from helping one’s enemy’s donkey as legitimate and human. It is perfectly normal to feel that you care not to assist the person you loathe, even if his animal is suffering.
Yet notwithstanding this natural emotion, the Bible is calling on us to challenge our instinct and assist our enemy’s donkey regardless. This perfectly human instinct of loathing an enemy need not dictate our actions.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT VS. DOMINATION
There are two significant lessons here, pertinent particularly for an age dedicated to the dissecting of one’s emotional persona. For one, the Torah does not believe in denying and repressing negative emotions, to make believe that they do not exist. Simultaneously with its insistence that we assist the animal of the one we hate, the Torah makes a special point of mentioning the fact that we may harbor a feeling to desist from extending a hand to the burdened donkey of our enemy.
The fact that our emotions are not always in sync with our ideals and values does not reduce us to moral failures. Eight hundred and fifty years ago, the great medieval Jewish philosopher Moses Maimonides captured this truth in his code of Jewish law:
When one person wrongs another, the latter should not suppress his resentment and remain silent... rather he is commanded to let him know [his feelings] and ask him: ‘Why did you do this to me? Why did you wrong me regarding this matter?’... The Torah warns us against hating in our hearts.
On the other hand, the Bible is informing us that not every emotion is holy. When someone’s animal is suffering, you must extend your hand, notwithstanding your negative emotions toward the owner of the donkey.
One of the problems unique to our age is that, for many of us, emotions have become the sole barometers that determine right from wrong. We have turned our emotions into deities, worshiping them as though they embodied absolute, timeless truths—a new G-d. To suggest to somebody that they might overlook an emotion, subdue a feeling, disregard a mood is a form of heresy. Our emotions have become gods, and we must obey them at all costs, even if this may be detrimental for our relationships, our marriages, our children, and our long-term visions. In the Biblical ethos, there is a critical distinction that must be made between acknowledging your emotions vs. allowing them to dictate your behavior.
HOW TO TREAT YOUR INNER CHILDREN
In the Kabbalistic literature, our faculties of cognition are commonly referred to as “parents,” while our faculties of emotions are described as “children.” The significance of this metaphor is vital. The relationship between the mind and the heart, it suggests, must reflect a healthy relationship between parents and children. When your child begins to holler, you must acknowledge their predicament and examine the cause of their outburst. Yet you cannot run to call the ambulance based on the screams of a child alone without examining the situation on your own first.
A clear distinction must be made between delegitimizing your child’s tears, which is cruel, and allowing these tears to dictate your home and life, which would result in chaos.
A similar relationship must exist between the mind and the heart. Emotions, instincts, moods, and feelings are ‘children.’ They are cute, spontaneous, vibrant, immature, and wild. Sometimes, they are on to something very real and serious; other times, they exaggerate or distort reality. We ought not to delegitimize, suppress, or deny them. We must be keenly aware of their existence within us. Just like children, we must attempt to educate and refine them. Yet we ought not to worship them and allow them the exclusive right to define our lives.
As valuable as emotions are, the moral sense of right and wrong must be given precedence over “I do not feel up to it.”
RABBI YY JACOBSON
