It can also be very helpful to point out that when you feel comfortable with what you’re doing, both of you will benefit. “When I’m reassured that I’m doing the right thing, I’m so much more relaxed. Maybe with my friends I was feeling more comfortable about how we spent our time, but what I really want is to be relaxed and enjoy my vacation with you. Nothing compares to a great vacation with you.”
Some topics remain taboo and the elephant in the room, until they crop up at the wrong time, when a quick decision is needed. There’s no need to wait for that. Even if it seems easier to avoid the topic and not bring it up, generally, if you introduce it yourself, at a calm moment, by telling your husband how much you’re looking forward to the vacation, the entire atmosphere of your discussion will be different. You can then continue by saying, “I’d really like to resolve this one issue beforehand,” and emphasize how much you would appreciate it if he could take your preferences into account, and how both of you will benefit as a result.
In any situation where husband and wife have a difference of opinion, it’s so important to use sensitivity, humility, and understanding. It’s also important to take the background picture into account.
It’s normal for people to struggle with their own personal choices, and yet in a healthy relationship, built on mutual respect and a strong connection, it will be easier for each spouse to overcome their temptations when they feel connected and understood.
Certainly no one should impose his or her will on anyone else, and no one should ever think that getting his own way will lead to true satisfaction. But when a person feels loved and respected, it’s easier for him to push distractions and temptations aside.
A husband who keeps raising the issue of the vacation and keeps hearing his wife objecting to his requests is likely to get stressed and upset. If, however, it’s his wife who raises the issue and tells him how much she’s looking forward to it, he will approach the question in a more relaxed frame of mind, and be more open to hear what she has to say.
Hashem has given women a special wisdom to know how to deal with any issues that arise in the home, as it states: Chochmas nashim bonsah beisah. When a wife uses this wisdom to show her husband love and respect, and receives the correct, Torah’dig guidance, she will have the siyatta diShmaya to build her home and enable both herself and her husband to do ratzon Hashem with confidence.
In this way, we can take even difficult and uncomfortable situations and use them to connect with each other and bring Hashem into our homes and our lives.
