It is quoted in the name of the Baal Shem Tov that after reciting the Tikkun Leil Shavuos on the night of Yom Tov, one should be careful not to speak anything but words of kedushah, until after the recitation of Keser during the chazaras hashatz of Mussaf. This is based on a statement in the Zohar Hakadosh, which compares our limmud haTorah to the gifts of jewelry we prepare for the “kallah,” Hashem’s Shechinah. The presentation of those gifts occurs when we proclaim: “Keser: The crown to be given to Hashem...” Between preparing the gift and presenting it there should be no interruptions.
Parshas Naso is the longest parshah in the Torah, and it always follows Shavuos. The explanation given is that after being given the Torah, we take as much of it as possible, hence the bigger portion. This, too, contains the message that between accepting the Torah on Shavuos, and learning it, there should be no interruptions.
In fact, the lesson of consistency and continuity is something we experienced even before Shavuos, as each day of Sefiras Ha’omer builds upon the day before, teaching us how our avodas Hashem must be an uninterrupted, consistent, and continuous accumulation of mitzvos.
Just as our connection with Hashem must be uninterrupted, so too the relationship between husband and wife. The idea of consistency is key to shalom bayis. Ideally, the relationship should become stronger and closer as the years go by, with each act of kindness building on what came before.
While in the bigger picture, there is generally a gradual enhancement in our relationships over time, there are still those individual actions in our lives where we may notice “interruptions” to the building of a strong kesher. It might be a critical word offered after a word of praise, or a frown that followed a smile. Such interruptions don’t — and shouldn’t — cancel out the good that preceded or followed them, but they can still break the flow.
Sometimes, even while saying a kind word, people ruin it with an interruption that was uncalled for, one that disturbs the good energy that could have been well taken. When thanking someone (“Thanks so much for tidying up”) make sure not to negate the positive vibe with any unnecessary critique (“The house looked dreadful before...”) Likewise, when receiving a good word, we should overcome the temptation to cancel out the good deed: “Thanks so much for the compliment, but I still can’t forget yesterday’s nasty comment...”
None of us is perfect, and it’s easy to focus on the mistakes. But just as we hope and daven that Hashem will overlook the things we sincerely regret and focus on what we got right, we should extend that courtesy to our spouses (and everyone else in our lives). Focus on the good, and allow the positive to mount.
