Tell the children of Israel and you shall talk to them, each man whose wife shall stray and rebel against him.
The Ohr Hachaim discusses the double expressions in this possuk:
- דַבֵר........וְּאָמַרְּ תָ why does the Torah repeat the command to talk to Klal Yisroel?
- Why does the Torah change the expression from דַבֵר to וְּאָמַרְּ תָ ? What is the difference between the two?
- Why does the Torah repeat the word אִישׁ? What is it teaching us?
The Ohr Hachaim explains that there are two kinds of women who are included in this possuk. Some of these women are indeed guilty of adultery, and some are not. Those who are found to be guilty will suffer the horrible fate the possuk describes, with her belly swelling and her thigh falling. The woman who is found to be pure and falsely accused will be praised and will end up with more and better children.
The Torah says that we should דַבֵר – speak strongly to the guilty woman and וְּאָמַרְּ תָ – speak softly to the virtuous woman. We should tell her that she is liable for a terrible fate if she is guilty, but we should also tell her that she will receive great reward if she is not guilty. We are to speak both languages to her.
Chazal (Megillah 12a) tell us that when one of a couple has in mind to cheat on the other, the feelings are usually mutual. The parable for this is, ‘He wants large gourds, she wants small ones.’ Meaning that even if they are not exactly the same in their desires, they are similar enough. If he suffices with his wife, she will not seek out another person. If so, this husband can test his wife quite simply. If he knows that he has no desire to go behind his wife’s back to another woman, he can be sure that she did not sin against him either.
The Torah is telling us that we may not use this method of testing a person. The water is the only way to know if she sinned, and even if the person is an אִישׁ of the type who is pure, or the type who is impure, either way, the water is the way to test a woman and no other. Even if a person is sure of what he feels in his heart, he may not use that as a yardstick for his wife.
The Ohr Hachaim adds that this could be the reason for the double expression of דַבֵר ...וְּאָמַרְּ תָ . Two people have to be told to bring their wives to the Cohen for checking: someone who suspects she has cheated because his own heart is not pure and someone who thinks he knows the truth because of the purity of his own heart. This second person is afraid to bring his wife because that would be an announcement that he, too, has had thoughts of cheating on his wife. He must be strictly spoken to, and against his will, he must bring his wife.
Additionally, both men must be spoken strictly to, as well as gently persuaded. The man who truly distrusts his wife may not wish to embarrass himself and he needs to be told that he must keep far away from the possibility of an aveira through living with an errant wife. Someone who does not truly suspect his wife may not wish to embarrass his wife by putting her through this ordeal. Both must be persuaded that the truth will emerge and a pure wife will merit successful children. They must also be strongly warned that they will not be permitted to stay home with a possibly errant wife, and they may not rely on any other testing method.
