A Spur for Change
Now there are two ways of understanding this maamar, two separate peirushim, and we’ll take them one at a time. The first is according to the way meforshim generally say, as follows: When people are witness to the effects of intemperance – you see what happens when a person is too loose in their life, when people don’t have a check on their behavior and then misfortune happens – it requires that you should take action.
And so, if you see a sotah b’kilkulah, in her disgrace, you should take it as a warning from Heaven of what could happen. If it happened to this frum woman it could happen to anybody – and so you become obligated to think, “Oy vey! Chas v’shalom, that could have been me! Chas v’shalom, chas v’shalom! No more wine for me! No more intemperance for me!”
After all, one of the contributing factors for a downfall of an otherwise decent person is drinking, intoxication. That’s one of the things that the Mishnah (Sotah 1:4) says about the sotah; wine does very much. It can accomplish things that wouldn’t happen otherwise. What people do when they’re intoxicated is unimaginable to the sober person.
Intemperance and Abstinence
Of course, we understand there were other things besides the wine. It’s how a person dresses, places a person looks, mingling with the wrong people – all types of ‘innocent’ behaviors. That, by the way, is the great ‘virtue’ of coming to cocktail parties – it’s all ‘benefits’ wrapped up in one. The way people are dressed, the men and women mingling, and in addition they drink intoxicating liquors. And so there’s every temptation in order to lead men into sin or women into sin. So what do you expect?
Now when a man sees what could happen as a result of too much drinking, too much mingling, too much pritzus and intemperance, what should he do? Just to say ‘Tsk, tsk,” and go on? No; the Torah’s advice is that he should take upon himself a vow to become a nazir. A nazir?! Yes! Because now you can’t drink and you can’t mingle and you won’t get into trouble. That’s why the two are together, to tell you that if you see what happened as a result of intemperance, then you must take a vow of temperance, of abstinence.
Seeing is Believing
Now the question is asked: Why do you have to wait for the sotah to demonstrate it? If we know that wine could cause such a thing, why do you have to wait until we see that it actually happened? Even without that, anybody who reads the Torah, the parsha of the sotah, should immediately take stock of himself. Right after the baal korei reads the story of the sotah we should all become nezirim. But no, it says “Anyone who sees the sotah in her disgrace should separate from wine.”
And so we’ll say that the idea is like this. Once you see it, it's not theoretical anymore; it’s real. It’s a different kind of knowledge that Hashem is sending you and it therefore puts a much bigger burden on you. When you see it actually happen, then it becomes an obligation on you more than ever before.
Drunk Driving Lessons
After all, don’t we know that young people are killed on the highway every day while speeding under the influence of liquor? It’s no longer news today. Not only are they killed, but they kill others too. Drunken driving is maybe more dangerous than homicide. Despite the climbing figures of homicide, drunken driving is even bigger. And the drivers themselves are also victims. We don’t take it to heart, however.
But suppose somebody tells you, “You know so-and-so from the synagogue? His son just died in a crash from drunk driving on a highway”, then it should have an effect. It happened in my synagogue once; during davening three policemen came in and they had to tell one of the congregants that his son was killed in a drunk driving accident. He was a boy who refused to go to Hebrew School and he became a hippie – in the olden days, they called it a hippie. And he used to take a great deal of booze and he wouldn’t listen to anyone. He was a chacham b’einov; he looked down on all the frumme that he ever saw. “They don’t know anything.” Because he was a wise man who understands life. And he understood that life includes the pleasure of drinking.
And so one day, police came into our synagogue, they’re looking for me. What do they want? “This man,” they said, “was driving on the highway and he had an accident and he was killed.” They wanted me to inform his father.
Message Received
When something like that happens, when you see that, you must take action. You have to think, “Why did Hashem make me see such a thing? Isn’t that telling me something?”
Now, the truth is that just from walking down the avenue, it’s already telling you something. Liquor stores everywhere! A crazy world! A liquor store is a sign that there are crazy people in the world. You need liquor like you need a hole in your shoe. So why are there so many liquor stores? That’s already a message that something is wrong.
And if you’re a rabbi, you get the messages from all over, the tragedies, all over! In Orthodox Jewish life, Modern Orthodox Jewish life, it’s one after the other – you see what happens to people who follow in the ways of the gentiles under a hechsher of the UO. They have kosher food, yes, but otherwise their gatherings are gentile gatherings.
Disgraced at the Therapist
And therefore when you see what happens to those who are lax with the dinim of yichud that forbid a man to be alone with a woman, how they become victims of circumstances that are tragic – besides making them broken people morally their lives are ruined – so you have to say, “By me, never! I’ll never be lax with these dinim.”
How many times have we seen a woman who chooses to go to a therapist and terrible things happen?! I could tell you stories of ruined families, ruined children. And so ha’roeh, when you see that, yazir, take that lesson! Men shouldn’t be involved with women and women shouldn’t be involved with men. Beware of psychologists and psychiatrists! Beware of therapists! A woman should choose a woman, and a man goes to a man. No exceptions! Never!
When you see something like that you can’t remain thick-headed and ignore it. That story was put next to you, it was nismacha to you, so you should swear off all of those foolish attitudes and gentile practices that caused that to happen. Don’t think such things happen in a vacuum.
Health Warnings
Now, once you understand this Torah principle of seeing the downfall chas v’shalom of others and utilizing that, so you’ll be able to make use of it in other ways too, many other ways. Because don’t you see today people with health problems, sicknesses that could have been avoided?
I was once in Boro Park and across the street I saw a man who I knew, who was standing with a Yerushalmi. So I went across the street and this Yerushalmi tells me that he’s very ill. He came to America for treatment because his lungs are diseased. He’s telling me this while he’s puffing on a cigarette.
So I said to him, “Why don’t you stop smoking?”
“Don’t tell me that,” he says to me in Yiddish. “No, don’t tell me that.” Another puff.
The Disgraced Dog
Mishlei talks about a person like that: Like a dog who returns to what he vomited out, so is a fool who repeats his foolishness (26:11).
Here’s a dog and he’s hungry. And because he’s not fastidious either, so when he finds something on the street which is very far from appetizing, he swallows it. But even he cannot keep it down, so he regurgitates. So he wanders around, comes back again and he eats it again. Oh, that stupid dog! You eat what you vomited out?! You see that you have lung cancer but you go back a second time. And a third time. At least the dog has an excuse – he only has the brains of a dog.
And so when you see that disgrace, you have to tell yourself, “I’ll never touch a cigarette! I won’t do it.” And if you’re a smoker, stop. Stop! Stop! There are ways, yes, there are ways. I already mentioned here once a way to do it. If you’re interested, call me on the phone and I’ll tell you the details.
The Disgraced Drunk
Drinking too. Some people are slaves to drinking alcohol. I know a man who drinks and becomes inebriated. A shikur. A frum shikur. His wife calls me on the phone; what should she do, she wants to know. It’s a problem now, a big problem. And she’s worried about her children too. There are people like that. They’re slaves to the bottle and it’s a disgrace for them.
Or overeating. You see people coming out of the cake stores, bakeries, carrying big paper boxes full of cakes. Pastries with icing. It’s poison. Now, I’m not the one to say you can’t eat cake once in a while if you need a lift but don’t you see what happens again and again when people eat with intemperance? People are ruining their health, ruining their teeth, ruining their stomachs. And you see the results. You hear stories. This one died young, diabetes. Another one, he died young from a heart attack.
No Sugar, No Whiskey
And so he should separate from all other factors that cause people’s downfall. When you see that, you should change something in your lifestyle. Why do I have to drink liquor? Why do I have to eat sugar and sugar and more sugar? It’s time I raise myself up above what others are doing – I’ll stop with all the garbage.
Other things too. I recommend every day you should take a brisk forty-five minute walk. You should eat your meals on time every time, and go to sleep on time every day. You should drink a glass of water every morning before davening. And of course, be careful to avoid sugar and sweets; don’t overeat!
And so you see that the examples of applying this maamar Chazal are abundant. Only that you have to be willing to open your eyes. When you see things that happen, people whose behavior leads them to trouble, to degradation – whether it’s the man who loses his job because he can’t keep off the booze or the man who loses his wife because he can’t keep his mouth shut, or a thousand other scenarios – you should take that as a lesson for yourself. You should use that sight to be inspired to lift yourself up above others by keeping away from the causes of all these troubles.
