The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone. He said , “ Fine, suit yourself”.
Why did the egg have a day off ? Because it was Fryday.
Why couldn’t the congregants hear the baal tokeah? He was standing shofar away.
Why did the last Hebrew letter wear a smiley t-shirt? So as not to seem too tav.
Knock knock! Who’s there? Talia Talia who? Talia neighbours their music is too loud!
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are playing poker when the cops raid the game. The lead officer questions the priest, “Father Murphy, were you gambling?” Father Murphy silently asks G-d to forgive him for what he is about to say. “No, Officer. I was not gambling.” The cop turns to the minister, “Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?” Pastor Johnson also appeals to Heaven. “No, Officer. I was not gambling.” The cop finally turns to the rabbi. “Rabbi Groner, were you gambling?” “Gambling?” he asks, glancing at the priest and the minister. “With who?”
You know the story about the rabbi who in the middle of his Yizkor sermon on Yom Kippur, pounds on the table and says ‘Wake up to the fact that every single person in this congregation, myself included, is going to die!” And as he expected, everyone’s suddenly very alarmed, except for one man in the third row whose face breaks out into a broad smile. And the rabbi is so shocked, he points to this man and says, “so why are you so amused, aren’t you afraid?” And the man shrugs his shoulders and answers, “Well I’m not from this congregation. I’m just visiting my sister.
