Knowing What a Friend Needs

Knowing What a Friend Needs:

It is related (in Sefer Siach Sarfei Kodesh) that Rav Dovid of Lelov zy"a would learn lessons regarding middos and mussar from all people, in fulfillment of Chazal's statement (Avos 4:1): "Who is wise? He who learns from every man." He would say that he learned a lesson about how friends should relate to each other from a conversation between two non-Jews that he overheard.

He related that he once heard one non-Jewish farmer ask his friend, "Do you love me?"

The friend answered that he did.

The farmer replied, "You are lying. If you really loved me, you would know what I am lacking right now. You would know which teeth hurts me right now. If you don't know this, you clearly don't love me."

From this story, we see what true love between friends is. A true friend must know what his friend is lacking so that he can help him.

It is similarly related that Rav Yechezkel of Kuzhmir zy"a once went to visit Rav Bunim of Peshischa zy"a. When he went to take leave of Rav Bunim, the Rebbe escorted him for quite a distance, until they reached the outskirts of the city. Rav Yechezkel then turned around to escort Rav Bunim back towards his house. As they were walking, Rav Yechezkel took out his box of tobacco and gave it to Rav Bunim to sniff. Rav Bunim asked, "How did you know that I needed 'a shmek tabak' right now?"

Rav Yechezkel answered, "When you pick up the tobacco to your nose, how do you know that your nose needs 'a shmek tabak'? Obviously, it is because it is part of your body, so you know what it needs. So too, when two people love each other they become like one body, and they feel what their friend needs."