We continue with the theme of the bitachon that we must have as we go into Rosh Hashanah—recognizing that we have nothing on our own and placing ourselves completely in the Hands of Hashem.
Stockholm Syndrome Towards HaKadosh Baruch Hu
Like a Captive Who Implores His CaptorsIn Selichos we say, לשבוייה, דמתחנן שביא כבר מתחנן לך בשמיא די “מרן Master in Heaven, we implore you, just as a captive implores his captors.” The captive understands clearly that he is completely in the hands of his captors, who can kill him at any moment. And it is with this same feeling that we come before HaKadosh Baruch Hu.
These words illuminate and awaken within us tremendous pleasure. When we say that we’re completely in the Hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu like a captive who knows he has no way out, this brings us great תענוג. “I have no way out. I am completely in the Hands of HaKadosh Hu, and with this I am connected to the Source of good. I implore Him: Ribbono shel Olam! I only want to continue being with You. I will not tell You what to do or how to do it. I ask only one thing: To continue being with You.”
There is a concept called Stockholm Syndrome, wherein a person who was kept captive for a long time wants to return to their captor even once they’re freed—and this is because when one becomes dependent upon another person, one becomes connected to them.
Similarly, there are people who develop dependency upon another person—because that person compliments them and validates them. When the dependency becomes unhealthy, we try to sever it... but this is how it is: dependency breeds connection. This is what happens with a small child: His mother gives him unlimited love and provides all his needs, and he in turn develops an incredible connection to and dependence on her.
When a person develops this kind of dependence towards the Ribbono shel Olam, the Source of all sustenance, he achieves tremendous pleasure that cannot be described.
From the Depths
Thus, we understand that the pleasure that comes from bitachon has nothing to do with the outcome—whether or not we get what we want—rather, that pleasure stems from the mere state of feeling that we have nothing on our own, completely dependent on the Ribbono shel Olam.
But what happens? When a person wakes up in the morning and he sees he has everything he needs, it hinders the feeling of dependence. However, there were great tzaddikim who had enormous wealth—and it didn’t affect their reliance on Hashem an iota.
Rebbe Avraham Yaakov of Sadigura was imprisoned, and he said, “What does it matter if I am here or if I am there....” It didn’t matter to him if he was alone in prison or with thousands of chassidim with abundant wealth. He never derived his chiyus from the material things that he had, but from the feeling of reliance on HaKadosh Baruch Hu.
But for ordinary people, it is difficult to maintain that feeling of reliance when we have everything we need. Distress can bring a person to such a feeling of reliance. When a person experiences a tzarah, and he doesn’t know what will happen in the next moment... if he utilizes that moment of helplessness, he can arrive at that תענוג of complete reliance.
As noted above, the avodah is to live with this feeling always, no matter the state of our lives.
A Gadol was told by his physician, “I examined your bloodwork, and I must tell you, you’re living on miracles.” The tzaddik didn’t miss a beat and exclaimed, “You as well! There is no difference between the two of us; we each live on miracles.”
Indeed, we all live on miracles, but we’re not always aware of it.
Our Eyes Hope to You
HaKadosh Baruch Hu has revealed us that on Rosh Hashanah, He judges each of us for life or, chas v’shalom, the opposite.... This knowledge, in and of itself, can bring a person to experience tremendous pleasure—rather than overwhelming fear or distraction due to the awesomeness of judgment.
Our eyes hope to Hashem—as we say in the Mussaf of Rosh Hashanah. Our hearts and minds turn to Hashem, and with our entire being we beg, “Help us to be with You... we are in Your Hands.” This is an extremely warming feeling... and a Yid who will spend his Rosh Hashanah with this feeling in his heart will have such a warm and heartfelt Yom Tov.
It is the same with many of the other tefillos we say on Rosh Hashanah... לחיים, זכרנו remember us for life.... A person who has the humility to understand that he will not necessarily be granted life, and he accepts that fact, attains remarkable calm. He doesn’t need to argue and fight... his serenity stems from understanding his reality. “The reality is that I am dependent on HaKadosh Baruch Hu. And what must I do as a result? I need to ask Hashem to be permitted to remain there, under His wings. Help me be with You. Remember me for life—to be connected to the Source of life.”
Never Wanting the Feeling to End
When a person lives with these thoughts and feelings, he never wants to abandon the Ribbono shel Olam. He doesn’t feel like saying after davening on Rosh Hashanah, “Okay, we finished with the teki’os, let’s go eat.... I stood on my feet for six long hours...let me live... the Shulchan Aruch says that we must eat heartily.” No, he doesn’t want to leave; the feeling is so good! That state of reliance is knowing that he’s in is the sweetest state that he could ever wish to be, and he wishes it would go on forever. Even when he eats his seudas Yom Tov, he remains in that state.
He isn’t stressed... a person is stressed only when he experiences conflicting feelings. This person is utterly at peace in his state of reliance on the Ribbono shel Olam. When the nefesh is at peace with the person’s feelings, there is only serenity and bliss. “I am in the Hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, and He can and will do with me as He wishes.”
Some people become confused by the piyyut of תוקף. ונתנה They know that it’s a section of the davening that is very serious and awesome. They know that all the possibilities for suffering that we enumerate are probably meant to put fear of the din into our hearts. But no... this is the time to place yourself more deeply into the Hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. You’re not telling Him what to do or what lot to choose for you. You don’t raise your voice during יעשר, מי who will become wealthy, and you don’t stamp your feet when you say יעני, מי who will be impoverished. You only emphasize that through all of it, you’re in His Hands. You know that there is only one place to run—into the Hands of the Ribbono shel Olam.
Running to Him
Thus, on Rosh Hashanah, when one experiences tremendous fear of the judgment, there is only one thing to do: Escape into the Hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, thereby attaining great pleasure. When a person distracts himself from the fear of judgment, he will never be able to attain the pleasure of that reliance. Those who spend their time in the shul’s hallways, looking at their watches, counting the pages of the machzor, experience pain in the place where there could be pleasure.
A person who has yirah on Rosh Hashanah knows what to do with the fear: To hold onto the fear without thinking about the future.... “So many people passed away this year, maybe it is my turn, R”l.” It is true that Hashem often shakes up the world.... But the idea is not that we should fear for the future: The tachlis is that a person should recognize how dependent we are on the Ribbono shel Olam.
Remember Us for a Life of Connection
Real Life
When a person davens for טובים, חיים the sefarim teach us, we’re really asking to be connected to HaKadosh Baruch Hu, the source of life—and once we’re connected to Him, then we will have everything good, both spiritually and materially.
Even when we daven for material things—שלמה רפואה שלח מלכנו אבינו עמך, לחולי or וכלכלה פרנסה בספר כתבנו מלכנו אבינו—the person derives more chiyus from the idea that he has the privilege of standing before the King and ask for these things than from the potential of being given those things. That is, all the things that a person lacks or wants are only vehicles to bring him to a state of reliance, and when he asks for those things, it is only to foster a feeling of reliance upon HaKadosh Baruch Hu.
When we look deeper, we will see that in the tefillos of Rosh Hashanah, we don’t ask for our material needs very often. The vast majority of the tefillos are oriented toward a desire for closeness to Hashem—and the Zichronos portion of Mussaf is proof of this, for that is where we mention the many things that Hashem does to shake up the world. And what do we say at the end of Zichronos? יתאמץ אדם ובן ישכחך שלא איש “אשרי בך, fortunate is one who does not forget You, and a man who takes strength in You.” How fortunate is the person who doesn’t forget the Ribbono shel Olam and holds on tightly to Him.
People think that the purpose of these pesukim is to rattle the person into behaving the way he should. But for someone who understands the tefillah this way, the feeling doesn’t last very long. If a person merely was afraid in the moment of Rosh Hashanah, and he accepted upon himself to behave properly, after a while, when the fear wears off, he doesn’t have anything to keep him on track. And indeed, we see many people who lose the aura of Tishrei soon thereafter.
Those who don’t fall succeed because they have something else... another thought that keeps them going: the pleasure of אלקים קרבת that they felt so keenly and strongly over these awe-filled days. They came to understand that only when they’re connected to HaKadosh Baruch Hu can they attain that pleasure... and they simply don’t want to let go of it. The fear and the awe of these days makes them want to keep this connection. The love and the fear work hand in hand.
The Purpose of Judgment
Thus, HaKadosh Baruch Hu created this day of judgment because He wants to bring us closer to Him, He wants us to feel dependent upon him. HaKadosh Baruch Hu says to us, “Instead of taking everything away from you and bringing you terrible suffering until you feel dependent on Me, I will give you a good life, and I will provide all your needs, but I will set aside one day in the year in which you will stand in judgment, and merely the knowledge that I can take everything from you—including your life—will have the ability to bring you close to Me, and you will feel the pleasure of My closeness.”
As said, for a person to achieve this feeling on Rosh Hashanah, he must utilize the day properly and think proper thoughts. And when he will beg and plead for his life, he should remember that he cannot order the Ribbono shel Olam to do anything.... In our prayers, we are merely expressing the feeling of deep reliance on Hashem.
If a person davens from the distance, his tefillos are less potent. (Of course, every tefillah is effective. Everyone who turns to HaKadosh Baruch Hu is heard, no matter how many mistakes he may have made.) But when a person davens amid a feeling of being in Hashem’s Arms, and believes that this, in and of itself, gives life and sustenance, the effects of his tefillah are so much stronger. In this state of reliance, a person can come to HaKadosh Baruch Hu and plead: “Ribbono shel Olam! Give me life and provide for all my needs.”
Attaining Our Needs Through Closeness
Remembering the Truth
When a person understands this, he understands that one cannot acquire gashmiyus without ruchniyus. He understands that the world is built on שמוע, אם והיה where we speak about the material good being conditioned upon carrying out the mitzvos. He understands that if he will come close to Hashem, he will have everything he needs, and if he will be distant from Hashem, his needs will not be met. This being the case, he understands that all his desires for ruchaniyus are really pleas for life itself, for without his success in ruchaniyus (i.e., closeness to Hashem), he will die.
When one asks Hashem on Rosh Hashanah to open his heart and mind for Torah learning, he does so with the recognition that the yetzer hara tries to ambush him at every moment, and that he is always in great spiritual danger, and so, he pleads with Hashem that he should never forget the truth that he is always in need of siyatta diShmaya to succeed in ruchaniyus. He asks on Rosh Hashanah that he should remember this for the rest of the year, for he knows that if he will remember it at all times, it will be good for him, and if he will, chas v’shalom, forget it....
Gashmiyus Through Ruchanyius
Thus, in addition to thinking and recognizing on Rosh Hashanah that we’re in the Hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, we also daven that we should remember this fact all year. “Help me succeed spiritually, because I want to live.” A person says, “I know that I like material things, money, etc., I know that I want to succeed in Olam HaZeh as well... but I also know that there is no other way to accomplish this without success in ruachaniyus, and therefore I ask for ruchaniyus.”
Such a tefillah isn’t considered לשמה, שלא for a person is obligated to ask for his material needs—and HaKadosh Baruch Hu has intertwined these two aspects of our lives, the spiritual and the material, so that a person will know that when he asks for ruchaniyus he will be given gashmiyus as well. Furthermore, the sefarim hakedoshim tell us that we’re meant to daven for our gashmiyus needs on Rosh Hashanah; some say to utilize the first day for ruchaniyus and the second day for gashmiyus. So, clearly, one must daven for his gashmiyus. But at the same time, the person understands that there is no other way. There is only one way: If I am close to Hashem—it will be good.
Thus, the purpose of the yirah of Rosh Hashanah is to bring a person to the recognition that he is in the Hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. This is what he thinks about, and this is what he repeats to himself—and everything that brings him fear is only utilized to foster and strengthen this recognition.
Assistance from Above
Rav Tzadok of Lublin (Tzidkas HaTzaddik 129) writes:
As soon as a person only desires to return, he is considered בא ליטהר, and thus he merits to be assisted from Above—and when he is assisted, he receives a spirit of purity, and through this, he further wants to return even more, and then he merits even more assistance, and with that assistance, his desire to return is even greater, and so it goes, around and around—until from an opening as big as the point of a needle, the opening becomes as big as a ballroom, as Chazal taught us (Midrash Shir HaShirim 5:2).
That is, when a person concentrates and meditates on the fact that he is in the Hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu and that he cannot help himself, and amid this he asks for life, he is considered a ליטהר, בא and since he is coming to purify himself, he is granted assistance from Above.... He is infused with thoughts of teshuvah that will make him never want to abandon the Ribbono shel Olam. And when he utilizes these thoughts of teshuvah to truly want to become close, he will gain a desire for purity on an even greater level, and thus deserve more assistance, and so it will go on, with more and more intensity.
The Avodah of Rosh Hashanah
One may say, how can we say that the avodah of recognizing that we’re in Hashem’s Hands is the primary avodah of Rosh Hashanah? Isn’t this day a time for teshuvah? Isn’t it a time for awesomeness... a time to feel the potential for severe punishment, which will make us want to repent and leave our erroneous ways? The answer is that one gives birth to the other. Teshuvah is rooted in this recognition. And if a person only does teshuvah without recognizing that he is in Hashem’s Hands, his teshuvah will not last. The recognition of our dependence is the foundation for the teshuvah which is built on it.
By concentrating and meditating on this recognition, a person is doing the work of emunah. For he repeats to himself the foundations of emunah—that Hashem gives him life at every moment, and that he is in His Hands—and this avodah arouses in him the desire to never want to abandon HaKadosh Baruch Hu, and to never want to return to his old ways. And when he realizes that he doesn’t want to return to his old ways because he wants to remain under the wings of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, he will merit so much assistance from Above to get him to where he wants to go.
Practically Speaking
In this vein, let us give one piece of practical advice for Rosh Hashanah: This Yom Tov is a day when many people don’t have their conveniences. Many people aren’t at home at all, and even those who are at home spend most of the day in shul where there’s a commotion—ברוב מלך. הדרת עם Many find that they are very tired from having awakened in the wee hours of the day, and then standing for many hours without eating or drinking. All this tends to rob a person of his peace of mind.
However, a person can take this situation itself and transform it into the avodah of the day, as we have discussed. What should he do? Give himself over to Hashem! “I don’t know what will happen.... I don’t know if I’ll have a seat. I don’t know who will stand next to me or if someone will push me.... I don’t know how long the davening will take, and I don’t know if I will have a cup of water to drink.... I don’t know anything. But Hashem will help.” If a person adopts this attitude, then the lack of conveniences doesn’t disturb his peace of mind; to the contrary; it gives him the feeling that he is in the Hands of HaKadosh Baruch Hu.
This mindset goes beautifully with the avodah of the day, as we have laid it out. “All of life is in the Hands of the Ribbono shel Olam; He will take care that I get a drink of water as well. I don’t know anything myself... I am in His Hands.” This attitude and mindset of reliance gives us tremendous pleasure. Everything around us is perfectly ordained and calibrated. For someone who remains distant, all these things bother him. For a person who places himself into Hashem’s Hands, it is the sweetest experience. That doesn’t mean that it’s the easiest thing; but it is the sweetest, most pleasurable feeling.
May we be zocheh to a sweet year.
