WEIGHING ALL THE FACTORS

Many of the brachos of the Torah are ones that Hashem gave to all of Klal Yisrael. In this week’s parshah, Hashem tells us that if we follow His commandments, He will circumcise our hearts and the hearts of our descendants. The Sfas Emes ztz”l asks why the passuk adds “and your descendants” to this brachah, given that our children are automatically included in the Torah’s blessings.

The reason, he explains, is that what we as parents do affects our children, independently of anything they merit on their own. When parents do teshuvah and work hard to become closer to Hashem, this gives a natural boost to their children, making it easier for them, in turn, to do teshuvah. Everything parents do influences their children, in matters of both ruchniyus and gashmiyus.

The impact that our actions have on our children is something we need to be aware of at all times. Any responsible parent knows that there are issues we discuss in private, in order not to expose our children to them, as well as many things we say or do specifically because of the effect they have on our children.

Awareness isn’t enough, however. It requires honesty to know when our intention is truly for the benefit of our children, and when we are tempted to use “the children” as an excuse for decisions we make.

Similarly, we need to be honest with ourselves when it comes to shalom bayis and recognize that there are times when we must know where to draw the line. Doing something for a spouse may seem worthwhile in the moment, but if its impact on the children is significant enough, the overall cost may simply be too high.