Rabbi Yanky Meyer, zt”l
Today was a beautiful day, much like the day when my world collapsed, three and a half years ago. It was sunny but breezy outside as it was in March of 2019 and I watched in wonder as our orthodox enclave got ready for Shabbos.
I sat in my car for the first time around an hour ago, my temporary reprieve from cooking to run some outside errands. With the use of my dependable sunglasses (a veritable shield for the grieving in the form of dark shades) I finally let myself cry.
I looked around and wondered if anyone understood what we lost today. Did they ever realize who organized their shiva homes when it came time to mourn for a loved one? Did they think about the coordination required to get the chairs and the siddurim, the Aron and the necessary preparation that’s involved for making a shiva house ready for the inhabitants mourning the loss of a family member?
Here’s the thing. No one thinks about it.
The Highest Deed – Chesed Shel Emes
It happens quietly like a true form of the highest deed, the Chesed shel Emes. But there was one person who ran this operation from its inception thirty years ago and his number one middah (among so many) was his tremendous anivus while doing so.
Yanky Mayer recognized a need for something that didn’t exist until he created the organization that everyone knows about called Misaskim. The first call among many after there’s a loss of life.
No Idea Who Made the Phone Call
Personally, after my husband died, I have no idea who made the phone calls necessary for getting the house ready for shiva. I was in the state of shock and just went where I was placed, on autopilot for quite some time afterward, too.
It’s people like Yanky that made the people dealing with unimaginable sadness to be able to continue doing what was appropriate for them during that time- to grieve and deal with acclimating into a new life without their partner. But of course, he didn’t stop there.
Expanding in Ways to Help Others
He continued expanding on helping so many people who have come to rely on his selflessness and hard work by creating an organization within Misaskim called “Yedid”. And if you’re reading it and don’t know what it is, consider yourself lucky, because Yedid is an organization that caters to yesomim who have to grapple with losing a family member at way too young an age.
At first I didn’t realize where these boxes of school supplies before the year started and Chanukah gifts/gelt were coming from.
Birthday Gifts & Elaborate Purim Meal
There were birthday gifts and an elaborate Purim meal that was catered to each household along with serving pieces and high end plasticware too. They’d ask you how many people you were hosting for the meal and send enough food to feed the several siblings that joined us so we didn’t have to be alone on such a happy holiday.
There were appetizer, soup, main and dessert choices and it left you feeling like royalty. Like this special treatment was meant to help the ones who really needed the help but maybe didn’t want to ask anymore.
No Longer a Typical Family
It’s exhausting to be shoved into a new identity suddenly – to suddenly be the recipient of pity, or of the one who needs the help because of the shocking tragic circumstances that turn you from being just another typical household to the single parent desperately trying to survive and shield her kids from fearing that she can’t handle life without her husband.
The special thing about Yanky and his organization is that we never once felt like we were objects of pity. It allowed for us to preserve our dignity and enjoy watching our kids’ faces light up as they’d tear into yet another delivery containing various gifts and money and reminding them that while the people that have passed on can’t provide this anymore, they were not forgotten. We were not forgotten. We mattered.
I didn’t know that Yedid was under the Misaskim umbrella and collecting and coordinating purchasing, planning, man power, packing and delivering of many boxes for kids all over.
I didn’t know that it wasn’t a large operation and that the staff was only a few strong who gave up countless hours to do something for people they didn’t even know. He sacrificed his time on a regular basis and forwent so much personally to help others. He did it in so many areas of his life – volunteering in Hatzalah, being a liaison between the frum communities and many law enforcement agencies. As if what he already spearheaded wasn’t enough, he did deliveries for Tomchei Shabbos too.
The Accomplishments of a Busy Person
The saying goes, if you want something taken care of, ask a busy person. To me, this phrase personified Reb Yanky Mayer.
We’re all human and think on a human level- it’s the way we’re wired and when I posted the announcement of his petirah, the WhatsApp chat I have with local widows I’ve become friends with didn’t understand how someone who’s days are filled with helping others isn’t granted arichus yamim. How does a man like that suffer for even a minute of his life ? He accomplished so much in his 58 years.
Although it’s too late to do this personally at this point, I wanted to thank him on behalf of so many I know that were consoled by the ideas he turned into action, and by his sensitivity of knowing that he could truly do something to make a difference in the lives of the people who needed his support.
I want to wish his family my deepest condolences and let them know that we collectively mourn the loss of a giant along with them. Hamakom Yenache Eschem Besoch Avlei Tzion V’Yerushalayim.
Reprinted from the September 16, 2022 edition of the Five Towns Jewish Times.
