Age 21 - R’ Yitzchok Yerucham Brodinski shlita, the mashgiach of Kol Torah, says that his father in law R’ Shlomah Zalman Auerbach zt”l, would advise that one shouldn’t get married before turning 21.
The mashgiach, R’ Dov Yafeh zt”l would say regarding the age of getting married, that there is a machlokes between the Roshei Yeshivos, and they say in the name of R’ Shach that the age is 22. R’ Dov Yafeh concluded in the name of R’ Shach – Don’t get married before 21, as before that age one isn’t able to lead a family.
The Kuntros Binyan Adei Ad (pg. 15) speaks about this at length in the name of R’ Shlomah Wolbe zt”l, and he writes: שצריך להתבגר כדי לבנות בית – “One has to grow up to be able to build a house.”
Age 22 – Practically, the Chazon Ish held that one should get married before turning 20, and as is known he told R’ Chaim Kanievsky zt”l to do this. However, there were cases where the Chazon Ish was lenient and allowed delaying, each person according to his needs. He told R’ Nissim Karelitz zt”l to get married at the age of 22. R’ Nissim explained, that he thinks the Chazon Ish understood that by R’ Chaim, the learning before and after the chasunah would be the same, so he told him to get married earlier, however, by me he saw that it wouldn’t be like this! R’ Nissim himself would advise getting married at age 22, and to start listening to suggestions from age 21, and not earlier.
R' Yoshar Moshe Dorash shlita relates that when he was bochur learning in the adorned Chevron Yeshiva, he asked the Chazon Ish advice on whether to enter shidduchim? The Chazon Ish then asked him, if he was immersed in Torah study, and he also checked with the mashgiach. When he found out that he was, and that he had the correct levels of yiras Shomayim, the Chazon Ish told him that he could wait until 24/25 before getting married.
There was a story with a bochur who came to R’ Chaim Kanievsky zt”l and asked: If he could delay his marriage until he was twenty so that he has time to finish the Masechta being learnt in yeshiva? R’ Chaim told him that marriage should not be delayed because of this, and that the Masechta he is studying should be completed after the wedding.
He added that the Gemara in Nedorim (89b) discusses a man who vowed not to marry until he had completed his learning, and at the end Rav Acha smeared his face with clay so that they could release him from his vow, see inside. R’ Chaim then turned to the young man and said to him as a joke: And do you also want your face smeared with clay...?! (Eizer Kenegdo pg. 89).
Age 23/24 - They say over from the Saba MiKelm zt”l and from the mashgiach of Ponevezh R’ Yechezkel Levenstein zt”l that one shouldn’t listen to shidduch suggestions before turning 23 (and some say from R’ Yechezkel age 24) as if one is busy and immersed in his learning and his yetzer horah isn’t getting in the way, it is fitting to delay as long as halachah allows.
They say a story, that once R’ Yechezkel Leventstein zt”l reprimanded a bochur for getting married young, and to defend himself the bochur said that he was worried about having bad thoughts. The mashgiach sharply responded, “If you think that after the chasunah you won’t have these thoughts, you’re wrong!”
The Roshei Yeshivos of Ponevezh at that time, R’ Shmuel Razovski zt”l and R’ Shach zt”l agreed to the ruling of R’ Yechezkel Levenstein not to get married before 23-24, provided the bochur is occupied with his learning. After the mashgiach’s passing, R’ Shach then said, “no earlier than 22.”
R’ Yitzchok Zilberstein (Aleinu Leshaba’ech, Orchos HaBayis) brings that R’ Shach would say: שכל זה רק בבחור שהולך לישון עם קושיא של הקצות, ומתעורר עם התירוץ של הנתיבות – “This is all provided a bochur goes to sleep with the question of the Ketzos and wakes up with the answer of the Nesivos.”
Until Age 24/25 – It is important to mention, that the Chofetz Chaim (Sefer HaMitzvos HaKotzer, Mitzvah 43) writes that until age 25, one can delay getting married if he is busy learning, however, after that age, one is obligated to get married even if he will be occupied with making a parnosah.
The yesod [basis] for this is the Maharikash cited in the Pischei Teshuvah (Even HaEzer, siman 1, s.k. 5) who writes that if one wants to get married but delays until he finds a suitable shidduch, or for some other reason, we don’t force him to marry. Nonetheless, one shouldn’t delay things past the age of 24 (and he references the Gemara in Kiddushin 30a).
R’ Moshe Feinstein zt”l would finish the entire sefer Tehillim every day. When R’ Amram Blau zt”l asked him why he did this? He replied: He does it for two reasons: 1) To atone for the fact that he got married after he turned 20; 2) It serves as a rectification, for all the idle chatter that people talk. (Ezer Kenegdo pg. 83)
Hastily (להזדרז)
According to R’ Shmuel HaLevi Wosner zt”l (Shu”t Shevet HaLevi 3:173) it is permissible to delay getting married for the sake of being able to learn, however, it is good to speed things up and get married as soon as possible. He writes that the age of 25 that the Chofetz Chaim brings is the very latest, and it is preferable to speed things up like the Chofetz Chaim himself writes at the end of his sefer Machneh Yisrael, that it is a mitzvah to get married early.
According to Nature (לפי טבעו )
According to R’ Aharon Leib Shteinman zt”l if a bochur wants to get married at the age of 18, no one in the world is allowed to stop him from getting married at that age, which is meikar hadin [according to strict halachah] what one should be doing. On the other hand, if a bochur wants to continue learning peacefully, he may wait until age 23. He praises the yeshivos that praise bochurim who get married early. He says: If a bochur wants to learn, it is okay and we don’t force him to get married before age 20, however, if a bochur wants to marry young, how can we stop him? He adds, that the younger the couple is, the easier it is for them to get on.
R’ Gershon Eidelstein zt”l also held that we can’t fix an age for when to get married and each bochur should follow his nature. If a bochur is shteiging it is better to wait, if, however, a bochur wants to get married, he should start listening out for suggestions.
There was a story with a bochur who was learning very well, and his parents approached R’ Gershon to ask the following: “There is a girl that has been suggested and she seems perfect, however, the bochur doesn’t want to hear anything as he wants to continue learning and shteiging, what should we do?” R’ Gershon called in the bochur and asked him why he was refusing to get married, and he said that he wants to continue learning. R’ Gershon then told the bochur – after the chasunah it is also possible to learn!
Once a father came with his son who was a bochur to the Steipler and the bochur told the Steipler that he is currently learning in yeshiva, however, he doesn’t feel that not being married is disturbing him in any way. The Steipler shouted at him and said: “Are you a malach? Hashem created man with a desire that he wants to get married, therefore, you should get married as soon as you can.” (Me’achorei Hapargud, pg. 343)
