Noach had good reason to build the teivah and save himself and his family from the Mabul. Nonetheless, the passuk tells us that “Noach did everything according to what Hashem had commanded him.” The Agra d’Kalla explains that this implies that regardless of his personal interest, Noach’s sole motivation was to fulfill Hashem’s commandment.
That’s a level most of us can only aspire to. Nevertheless, we should aspire to align ourselves with Hashem’s ratzon rather than our own. Meanwhile, until we reach that level, it’s important to have enough self-awareness to realize when our own interests are taking precedence. So many disputes arise due to lack of awareness of the root of the problem.
Take the example of a husband who decides he wants to excel in the mitzvah of hachnassas orchim. He starts enthusiastically telling his wife about the greatness of the mitzvah but she responds with hesitation, given that she really doesn’t like having guests. If his response is to “better explain” how great the mitzvah is, he’s missing the point — two points, in fact.
The first point is that she isn’t hesitant because she doesn’t appreciate the mitzvah. She does, but she gets really shy around guests and feels uncomfortable in her own home. The second point is that while he truly does appreciate the mitzvah, he also really loves having guests, which may (unsurprisingly) be why he pitched on davka this mitzvah to excel in. It’s often not a question of right and wrong; it’s a question of how to respect both of their preferences.
Self-awareness, as well as honesty, are essential in all our relationships, especially in marriage, through which we build a dwelling place for Hashem.