The worst part of Adam HaRishon’s sin was when he said: יִדָמִּﬠ הָתַּתָנ רֶשֲׁא הָשִּׁאָה it’s her fault, of the woman that You gave me, as if blaming Hashem for giving him this wife, and Rashi mentions how he was an ingrate. (Seforim). Before Adam had Chava, he tried marrying all kinds of animals, and he wasn’t satisfied until Chava. (Rashi). Why was this necessary?
Most probably this was to get him to appreciate Chava. A wife is a major Nisayon in a person’s life. Notice how the Malachim wanted to bring more Shalom Bayis to Avraham Avinu. They asked him where Sara is, and he proudly answered: לֶהֹאָב הֵנִּה ט חי אריו “She is inside the tent!” which Rashi explains: ְצנוּ ָﬠ ִה ה אי she is a Tz’nua (modest woman). And Rashi quotes Chazal who say they did this: ְל ַח ְבּ ָב ַﬠ ה ַבּ ל ֲﬠ ָלהּ to make her more beloved to her husband.
Even a Tzaddik like Avraham Avinu needed to love his Sara more and more, and at the ripe old age of 99! This is an ongoing Nisayon for all mankind, to constantly remind himself how lucky he (or she) is that he’s married altogether! In Novardok, I was told that most people don’t appreciate their wives enough.
The spouse is actually a #1 area of the goodness of Hashem in giving us a partner, as it says: םָדָאָה תוֹיֱה בוֹט אֹל
A True Story - Real Anava
Chaim Brown works for a boss who is extremely critical. Chaim can easily respond and “put him in his place”, since Chaim is very sharp, and he knows how “to do the job” which will end his unpleasant situation. I told him not to say anything, since the Zechus of accepting Bizayon is so precious, and it will bring him all kinds of goodness in his life.
This is only true if it doesn’t get out of hand, and Chaim can train himself to have a “tough hide” and make believe that he isn’t sensitive. He also needs to learn Mussar as much as he can, about how truly lucky he is. Or, he can call me from time to time, and my pep talk about how great he is will take care of the problem.
I also told him that with Tefila he can get rid of the whole problem. He should also suspect that maybe his boss has a point, and if he can improve himself, it would be A-1. This is also Hachna'a and Anava; i.e., being: הֶדוֹמ (admitting) that you are wrong and doing Teshuva. But if he isn’t capable of changing himself, then it’s fine. Learning Shaar HaBitachon is always good for this and for everything in life. You don’t care as much, and you worry less.
וֹדַּבְל חי ב it is not good for a man to be alone. Of course, all your: ֵא ָב ִר םי body parts and your life itself also need constant reminding to be grateful for them. The Velt says: “Love is work”; you don’t always love automatically. Hashem tests you to see if you’ll still love, even when things aren’t so perfect.
If you are a true Oved Hashem (like R’ Avigdor Miller Zatzal, and the Novardokers Zatzal) you would love Davka having a challenging spouse, since this makes you grow in Middos, which is the most important part of your life (but don’t look for trouble).
