Learning Torah Vs. Peru U’Revu
Learning Torah overrides the mitzvah of peru u’revu in two ways. The first way is like what we find with Ben Azai, who we find never got married. The Shulchan Aruch (1:4) writes that this only applies to someone like Ben Azai who loved Torah so much and clinged to it his entire life. The second way is pushing it off for a limited amount of time, until one finishes learning, this is based on the din of ‘oisek bemitzvah’ [busy with a mitzvah] and is brought in the Rambam and Shulchan Aruch. However, if ones yetzer horah is winning over him, then the mitzvah of talmud Torah can’t push off the mitzvah of peru u’revu.
The Shevet HaLevi (Vol. 3, siman 173, ois 3) and Birur Halachah (Even HaEzer, siman 1) both write, that it’s obvious that thoughts of sin are included in the words of the Rambam “if ones yetzer horah is winning over him he should marry immediately”, as thoughts of sin are worse than sin itself.
The First Way
The first approach is clear from the Gemara in Yevamos (63b). The Gemara writes that Ben Azai never married. The Gemara relates that Ben Azai’s friends asked him, that he darshened [expounded] all about how not fulfilling the mitzvah of peru u’revu is tantamount to bloodshed, and then he himself doesn’t even get married? Ben Azai answers back: ומה אעשה שנפשי חשקה בתורה, אפשר לעולם שיתקיים על ידי אחרים - “What can I do, my souls desires to learn Torah, the world can stand via others”.
The Second Way
The second manner is clear from the Gemara in Kiddushin (29b) The Gemara says: “First learn Torah, then get married”. The Gemara says that the reason for this is: “If one has a yoke around his neck, is he able to learn Torah?” The Gemara continues: If one can’t manage without a wife, then he should first marry and then learn Torah. The Gemara then asks a contradiction and concludes: הא לן הא להו – “This is for us, and this is for them.” I.e. Whether one should learn and then marry or vice versa, depends on if one will be busy trying to sustain himself or not. Rashi explains: In Bavel they aren’t so busy with parnosah so they can first marry and then learn. In Eretz Yisrael, however, they are busy with parnosah once they get married, therefore, they should learn first and only then get married. According to Tosfos the explanation in the Gemara is the opposite way round.
The Ritva has an interesting explanation of the Gemara in Kiddushin. He brings from yesh meforshim (‘some explain’, he himself argues) that in Bavel the wives would work to bring in the parnosah, therefore, in Bavel one can first get married and then learn Torah. However, in Eretz Yisrael the wives are very pampered and don’t work, and the husband needs to bring in the parnosah, therefore, they should first learn and only later on in life get married.
The Yam Shel Shlomah (Kiddushin 1 57) writes: אבל הבחורים שלנו שאין צרכי הבית מוטלת עליהם, פשיטא שישאו אשה וילמדו תורה בטהרה - “Our bochurim where it is not incumbent upon them to take care of the house, it is obvious that they should first get married and then learn Torah in purity”. According to this, if one finds a wife with a good job and there is no worry about parnosah, he has no heter [allowance] to delay getting married.
Pushing Off Getting Married to A Later Date
The aforementioned two dinim are ruled by the Rambam (Hilchos Ishus 15:2-3; Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:5) and Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer, siman 1, 3-4): “If one’s soul has a great desire to learn Torah like Ben Azai and constantly clings to learning Torah and never marries, he hasn’t sinned, provided his yetzer horah doesn’t get the better of him.” “If one is busy learning Torah, and is very occupied with it, and he is scared that getting married may cause bitul Torah as he will need to find a parnosah, he may delay getting married, as one who is busy with one mitzvah is exempt from another, and certainly when it comes to Talmud Torah.”
According to the Rambam and Shulchan Aruch there is no deadline of how long one may delay getting married. However, the Rosh (Kiddushin 1:42) cited by the Beis Shmuel (s.k. 5) says: “It can’t be that there is no limit and that one can be mevatel [miss out] the mitzvah of piryah verivyah [procreation] all his days, as we only find people like Ben Azai were able to do this.” The Rosh concludes: ואיני יודע כמה זמן להקציב ללימוד זה – “And I don't know how much time to allocate for this learning.”
Question of R’ Elchonon Wasserman
In Kovetz Shiurim (Vol. 2, siman 19) R’ Elchonon asks: How can one push off getting married because of the rule that ‘one who is busy with one mitzvah is exempt from another’, surely, peru u’revu is a mitzvah which can’t be carried out by someone else (אי אפשר לקיימה על ידי אחרים), and it is clear from the Gemara in many places that by a mitzvah which can’t be carried out by someone else, we don’t apply the rule of ‘one who is busy with one mitzvah is exempt from another’?
R' Elchonon answers: Since one is only delaying the mitzvah, but not pushing it off entirely, and one can carry it out himself at a later date, לא פקעה ממנו מצות ת" ת – the obligation to learn Torah doesn’t leave him, and since the obligation of talmud Torah is upon him, he is exempt from other mitzvos.
